Monday, May 31, 2010

Chillen, Grillen, And Conversing On The DL.

Well, today was a chill game of waiting. After the useless parade, Jaelynn and I went to Alo's to keep him company for the day. Joriz had left him to go to the beach and Roland just plainly did not want to come. Alo has definitely been a good friend, so it was only right that I be a good friend, proportionately. As he grilled like no tomorrow, we ate some of it which tasted amazing. Also, we had discussed big topic in life right now: dramas, concern, problems, etc. The entire time, we talked about a specific subject, with all hopes in it. Oh, he taught us how to shoot his bow and arrows today! Archery is an uncommon thing to be capable of doing these days, but who cares? It was pretty fun learning how to hold it right and shoot well, targeting the haystack only yards away. Failure followed along here and there, but I miraculously hit it right on the Arizona can on the first shot ever! I jumped up and down like a little girl haha. Our poor judgments resulted in missin gthe haystack and going into the neighbor's yard, hitting the nice, white fence, the ground, and even into the next house over! We stayed until 5:30PM when Joriz came back and we took her to work. Jaelynn, Alo, and I got the Farm and for once, I didn't feel too bad eating it! (Whadda fatty, right?) Driving around, I got to ride in a drift! woooot haha. Then, we chilled at Jeffrey's house for a while, but certain intentions there did not go according to plan. It'll work out, I jus tknow it. Photos are from my first win and Jae's first Farm! :D

Sunday, May 30, 2010

8 Months Is Definitely No Where Near The End

So anyone would be crazy to think this is where me and him are cutting it short. Today I actually paid attention in church and it went by faster than usual. After wards, I had lunch and packed up some homework for the afternoon. My father was going to the movies so I told him to drop me off at Barnes & Noble while I waited. I was so amazed [not really] to find that everything was being rearranged and there were sections of the store, empty, with the heavily imprinted carpet from the bookshelves. I spent my time there and did a majority of my Chemistry. I still have so much to do. I texted you all the while and at one point I was begging for you to come by. We make 8 months today and I would have love to share a kiss with the man I love. Every night I pray that "one day we will have it all" and I do believe god listens. He always is. Jacob Reyes, at 8 months in, I'm confident to say that I want to am going to spend the rest of my life with you. Honestly, I was confident to say so months ago. :) We are going to have a life together: kids, money, happiness, sadness, a home, a car. I want it all with you. Photo is of an index card drawing I did today. New markers yay :D

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I Ate My Life Away Today (Twice, Basically)

Ahh, this is the first time I have ever really celebrated MDW and it was pretty fun :) So at 6AM, I got my wake-up call from Alo saying that he'd pick me up soon. I got up and started to get ready. 2 minutes later, he texts me and says he's outside. In my mind I was like WTF haha.. but I got ready. I woke up mama to ask for money. She only gave me $20, but it sufficed. What she gave an unwanted amount of was parental "love". Right before I left she started freaking out, asking who was going whose driving what's going on - AFTER we discussed everything last night. I have recently determined that my mother is bi-polar because by the time time we were in the car and the rest of the day pulled through, she was calm and happy on the phone. Today was actually pretty fun. We played volleyball, went into the cold waters, the sun came out (40% T-storms my buttocks!), and we went on an adventure. Out adventure was kind of scary and gross. We wandered into the forest-hill area, secluded from the main grounds. In flip-flops and shorts, we made our ways up, up, up to the supposed top. There were Daddy Long Legs everywhere, mosquitoes, and questionable plants. Coming back down, we possibly ran into some Poison Ivy, but I'm not itching so all seems well. I honestly missed you today. There were various couples from prom last night, and I wish I had you at my waist, too. After a long day of fun and eating my life away, we left. Our car came back to Belleville and then went to Babo. It was chill, but nothing too exciting for the fact that we were all tired and ingesting anything more wasn't necessary. Photo's are from the course of today. :D Alo was Roland's Romeo, trying to wake him up by throwing things at his window. Roland slept the whole ride to and from the lake, like a rock. He sleeps with his eyes open. It's creepy so the shades stayed on! We found a mussel in the lake and cooked it, along with some snails. Joriz ate it! The forest of our dreams made me fearful of getting itchy.

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Day's Okay, It's A Process Of Change

Tonight was Senior prom..I wish I could've gone! lol It would have given me something better to do today. Today I woke at the beautiful time of 30 past noon. Eh, I think back on today and there was a lot of eating D: I should take a knife and cut off my stomach right now. I usually stop eating at 8:30Pm but I ate past then so my mom wouldn't get mad. Anyways, I went to the mall today with my brother and mother and virtually bought nothing lol. There were so many things I wouldn't have minded picking up, but all I could think about was how I just wanted to go to Urban Outfitter and get the shoes I want. We saw Prince of Persia after that, which was actually pretty decent. As usual my mother could help but comment aloud on the movie as I sat next to her. It wasn't as bad today though. Then, we went to Urban Outfitter in Montclair! :D I saw Deejay, Ana, and Emily there. That was cool. Anyways, there is this one pair of sandals that I really wanted to get after seeing it online. I couldn't find it in the store! :'( I settled for two other pairs which I did like, but "settling for" isn't exactly the greatest thing to do. I came home to find that one of them was the wrong size, but still fit and I'm stretching them out right now with ice in the freezer. Photo is of the comparison I made with Papa and Jackie Chan XD. Jackie Chan is playing my Papa in the Karate Kid Remake!!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Jersey Gardens Has My Love

Today seemed like I wouldn't be able to get through it at first, but the afternoon lead to better. Some how I got through the school day with absolutely no one around. The majority of everyone was either at home because of projects or at the Bronx Zoo. Finally, when the end of the day came around, I got dropped off to his house to spend a mere 45 minutes with him. It was better than nothing, considering that I haven't seen him all day! By 4PM I was in the ca r with Alo, Joriz, and Roland on the way to the mall to get the guys their prom necessities. We ended up splitting up and I shopped around with Joriz. Even though I didn't buy much, there was so much I wanted! I was living off of $40 so I was trying not to buy a lot. I freaking love Jersey Gardens. The prices are gorgeous! :D I ended up only buying a locket necklace and earrings but that's okay because they were cheap! It was definitely a nice experience being at the mall with new friends, bonding better. Upon leaving, Joriz got mad at Alo because he wasn't picking up his phone and she was going to be late for work. We pulled another Mission Impossible that ended up not so possible. We got her to work about 20 minutes late, but she wasn't in trouble. She was still mad and Alo was emotionally depressed (lol) so he, Roland, and I went to Smashburger for dinner. That was definitely fun. For some reason I really get along with guys. In that case, I'm not afraid to be a little guyish or to any degree girly with them. It's really chill. With certain girls, you get a weird look if your out of element or too guyish. I really want Nike SBs! GAH. Photo is of Alo driving to Smashburger.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We'll Be In The Green Soon

I'm not going to let little arguments ruin us. I'm not. The weather was really nice today, but a bit hotter than I favor. Today made me realize that we are heading towards the end of this year so quickly, it's kind of too fast. Finals are in about a week and I haven't even started my final exam reviews. I have a leadership seminar to attend and I am just screwed. I will tell myself over and over that I can do this and I can. I've dealt with the end of the year for a good 9 years so why should I stop now? Ahh "The trick is to keep on breathing" because I know that once summer rolls around and we are in the safe green-zone, everything will be good and running smooth. Photo is of the walk home. Every time I turn onto Newark Ave. by Claara Mass, I can't help but admire the way the shadows of the trees pattern and trail down the sidewalk. It so beautiful in person. It reminds me of those perfect summer days. :)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Best Concert Of All My Years

Tonight was very well-needed. I am aware that often, I get mad at almost all the little things you do. I feel that all of this tension builds up because we can't really give off that affection at a constant rate like others can. If we took that path, his parents would have already known. We got a ride back home after the concert and Alo took the best routes possible. I can't believe how you and I became so close with Joriz and him. We get along so well because our situations are understood. They have probably argued over the little things we argue about now and when we get to talk and discuss it, they understand where we're coming from. I texted a great thank you and this is the message I got back:

From: Alo

Well I kno how hard relationships r nd its not ur fault ur in the situation ur in rite now so I feel like it is my duty to help you guys grow

May 25th, 10:20PM

Friends like them are something I am so grateful for. The help us out and with out their help, we can't grow at all. This morning was a little rocky, but after tonight, all problems have lost their existence. You are in my heart forever and this is the place you'll be we we die. Photo is of the love getting attacked by the adorable Chubbs! XD

Monday, May 24, 2010

I Can Do This I Can Do This

Dang! 300th post! I'm seriously getting there! Anyways, onto today. It was good. Nothing is better than starting the week with basically a half-day, considering the delayed-opening for testing. The days tends to go a lot better like this. After today, I can finally breathe a little better. Colorguard auditions were today. I won't say I bust my ass trying to put my piece together, because I really didn't. I was the only one trying out for Captain, but it is still good to give off a nice first impression. All went well for the most part. I got my taste of the summer heat and sweat. I spent my time with you wisely and didn't complain when it was over. I'll take what I can get because everything is much easier without complaining. I'm learning. I say that I can breathe a little better only because it is one less weight off my chest. There is so much more left at the end of the year, so I just hope to get through it all. Photo is of funky hair. lol

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Chill Day, Set On Summer Mode

I'm definitely gonna eff up my audition tomorrow.. haha. Part of me has already given up on it and I still have like 20 seconds left to write. wamp. Today was chill. Church went by fact, as I allowed myself to drift into a continuous thread of thought about life. I reminisced on good and bad days, on good futures and bad. Something that urks me is that I went to church looking skinny, having not eaten. Then, after lunch, it goes all down hill from there. I still have not pooped yet and my stomach is bloated. I want to stay skinny all day! This afternoon I also went to the mall, after attempting to work on my audition piece. I finally got some B-cup bras, now that I actually measured myself! It does feel more fitting and comfortable, but it makes me a little sad to say I'm not a C-cup haha. I hemmed up some pants today, bought some nice tops, and the skirt I REALLY wanted. Yay for JC Penny. Thank God tomorrow is a delayed opening woot. Maybe I can work on my audition piece! Sike. Photo is of a square of sprinkles that made me happy. :D We bought 50 pc Munchkins on the way back from the mall.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Proven Socially-Improved On A Birthday

Today was a very good day in terms of improving my social self. Today I went with Kim to her friend Nicole's birthday party. I was nervous at first because I have been to Bloomfield parties with the same people before and I didn't allow myself to to talk to new people easily; I was too nervous. Over the past few years, especially this one, i felt like I have gotten better at it and today actually proved that. Firstly, thanks to the help of the best friend and Nicole, I got "formally" introduced to everyone. The actually made things feel more comfortable for me. From there, I let the day take me as it could. I talked when I could, there is no doubt it that. Sometimes I was limited to input because they would talk about people at school or teachers that I couldn't relate to at all. Still, I put myself out there, being the nice, friendly person I am capable of being. I should look down on the fact that I texted the whole time, though. Part of the reason why I did so was that I missed him. I kept checking my phone to look at my wallpaper of the photobooth pictures from Dorney Park. It brought a smile to my face every time. At one point I said good-bye and that I would text him later, but about 10 minutes later, I texted back saying "I miss you already." I couldn't help myself. The other reason was that the amount I could give in to being social was limited, so I would find myself just sitting around. Texting helped fill that void. By the end of the night, we sat in and watched the Hangover. Funnay Movie!! Photo is of a girl we made out of glow-sticks laid out on the grass :D Happy Birthday, Nicole Alcordo! :)

Friday, May 21, 2010

Dorney Park, Haay!!

As the professional critic that I am, I rated today an 8 out of 10. We went to Dorney today for a majority of the whole music dept. I can't believe I almost woke up late! Actually, I woke up at 7:03AM and assumed I had a bit more time to get up, so I dreamt on. Yeah, I ended up not waking up until 7:36AM, freaking out a little. I got to school on time, all prepared in my shorts and top. On the way to Dorney, I sat with you and spent that time well. Alo and Joriz sat in front of us which made it a bit funner. Boy were we starving and eager to pee on that bus ride!! When we got to the competition location, I felt so bad for him because the place was basically a large Christian building. The performances were in the auditorium, made purposely for sermons and Sundays.He didn't feel comfortable and it seemed as if each new room got worse and worse. We got superior, but I think the judges were lame. If the Orchestra can get an excellent in rating, you know something is wrong! When we got to Dorney, the unestablished groups unofficially became established. Unfortunately, we did not go with the typically group including Ana, Roland, and Jaelynn, but we ended up just going with Alo and Joriz. I won't deny that it phased me a little to have been away from my close friends and those who I am always with, but change is happening and I should accept it as it comes. They will always be close to me in heart, but I don't exactly have these opportunities with him. I can't exactly spend any given whole day holding hands in public or with my arm around your waist and yours around my shoulders. Breaking from the group is just something that happened, though. I guess I'll understand that we don't have to always be together, even though I may feel guilty otherwise. So we spent our beautiful day with Alo and Joriz! First thing we did was GET SOME FOOD!! Goodness, we were starving like savages! We ended up getting the (of course) over-priced 16" pizza and (of course) $7.99 souvenir cup as our drink. After eating, the first thing we went in line for was the Thunder somethingsomething. It was a log ride, that got us just a bit wet. Then we went on the Congo Rapids, which got us DRENCHED. It was so hilarious! Dude, even now as I write this, I'm and still a bit damp, but just about dry. The sun wasn't exactly out to dry us off in a split second, but that's okay. We took a bunch of photos, which made me very happy. :) There were a lot of things I've always wanted to do with you and taking photobooth photos was one of them - which is now accomplished! I loved how the came out, too! Ahh, for all the rides we went on, I let my wierd self shine, glisten, and glow! I didn't find any of the rides too scary, but I still screamed at the top of my lungs - even when we weren't moving!!! :D It felt so good to openly be with you and not give a rat's ass about what other people see because it's not like I will see them tomorrow or again on another day in my life. Today was too good to let any arguments phase us, so I didn't let it. Man.. and last check-in was at 7:45PM and we were late. Legitimately, we believes we were okay and safe if Alo and Joriz went to check in for us while we went to get ice cream. Unfortunately that wasn't the case and we have detention every day next week. Wamp. Oh well, at least you made the effort to get us out of the predicament, and I love you for it. Today was amazing between me and you. I got to kiss you whenever I wanted, whereever I pleased! Phtos are from the photobooth and bus ride. I love you I love you I love you. I am definitely going to make the best of the rest of school and summer that we have together. I love you always ♥

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Realistically, Baby Steps

Part of me doesn't want to lose you. No, scratch that. My entire being, everything that I am made of, does not want to lose you. We will both have to face reality later this year, but as of right now, I can't see myself being happy without you. Today was nice. Though, some feelings may have been picked at throughout the day, restraint allowed us to let it only get so far. I can't begin to express the way you make me feel when I am with you. I feel like such a girl and you even say I have become so feminine. I frankly don't care because if that's what it means to be happy, then by all means, here I am. We sat in the staircase for a good hour, just taking in reality. The feelings we have for each other are genuine. The kisses we share are unique. (Even when you try to kiss me with a half-chewed Sun-chip in your mouth - nasty!) You and I are one and nothing will tear us apart. This is my philosophy. I actually came home early today, while you had to go home, too. It is a baby step towards the fact that we will have to put certain priorities first in the future. When my father came home and saw me here, he smile was a very real one. It even made me happy to have made him smile so truly. Photo is of Joe Salem's mouth after eating some nasty, faux Sweedish Fish! hahhaa

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"I'm Honestly Falling In Love With You All Over Again From Square One"

And so we count down.. one more day to deal with and then Dorney Park! :) As foretells, Friday will be nice. As of today, things were nice too. Well, for the most part. My English class just irritated me, though. Hrm.. today we also had that outdoor BBQ thing for lunch today, which really made me sad! They closed off all other lines to serve cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and rib-BQ's (idk). But really, what if a poor old girl like myself just wanted a simple cheese steak?! I couldn't even have that! :( I settled for the cold cheeseburger. Oh well, haha. Moving on. Today felt good with you. I can quote myself and say that "I'm honestly falling in love with you all over again from square one." You thought it could be taken in a bad way, but it's in the best meaning possible. After all our arguments, I feel like I'm finally starting on a clean slate with my feelings for you - purified like Brita. (lol) You said the look in my eyes was something you hadn't seen in a while which mean much to me. I'm glad the way I feel shows through my eyes, which you can read so well. Boy, you are my favorite reader. :) My father talked to me today, hitting me with another one of his lectures. I actually held back and played it mature, not arguing. I understand his points, but I also kept my defense up. I think we both understand each other. I joked around at the end, saying, "Awww , your little girl is growing up!! :3 " along with a hug. Photo is of 12th period doodle!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Worth The Risks

So far this week is going good and we still have Dorney Park on Friday to look forward to!!! Today was an unexpected plan till about 8th period. After school, we spent the day with Joriz and Alo. When we double date, it's something honestly very comfortable. We can virtually talk to them about anything and the great part about it is that they've been there. They understand the majority of things we say or complain about. Joriz had work, so we chilled at Applegate Farm with her and we got "The Farm"!! Let's see.. 4 scoops of Graham Central Station, 4 scoops of Ice Cream Cake, 4 scoops of ButterPecan, and 4 scoops of another that I can't recall. Oh - and then 4 toppings: hot fudge, caramel, sprinkles, and cherries! :) Sooo fattening and good! We stayed until 6 and chilled out, then we went to the mall to get Joriz a phone case. It made me happy to be in public with you. Maybe I'm a nerd for wearing your sweater the whole time because it rained. :) Your kisses felt so soft and nice. I definitely feel like I'm falling in love with you like we are back in September. :) God, you make me feel so happy and it is my job to make you feel the same about me! After wards, we hit Hooters for some amazing wiinggs! ;D Tonight was your first time and my second. Unfortunately we all got into an open argument that killed the joy of the day, but I felt so happy to have had that conversation. I teared up because finally, I had a second and third opinion that didn't make me feel so wrong. Joriz was right when she said that there are so many times I always feel wrong, even with the argument possibly on my side. I have found myself finding that I have lost my credibility sometimes. Anyways, we climbed back out of that hole and continued to eat on! Goodness, I have no idea how I ate the amount I did on top of "The Farm"! I haven't eaten anything since! On the way back home, I was hoping to lie back into your arm, full, satisfied, and relaxed. Unfortunately, we could afford that. Your parents called and said they were on the way to pick you up from "ushering at the concert". I was so thankful that there was actually a concert tonight as an alibi! As soon as you got off the phone with you mother, you began to hyperventilate and I didn't know what else to do but pull you close to me and hold you tightly. Sure, I was scared, too, but your safety definitely came first. I kissed the side of your face, your temple, and in my mind, I prayed to God that you would be okay. "Everything will be okay" I promised. Our alibi was good. Thanks to Alo's driving skeeeeelz, we got back to town and right when we got to the front of the MS you parents were around the corner, so we went around back and dropped you off there. As it turned out, everything was good and you were safe. My heart was able to breathe. All the risks are worth it sometimes. If we can afford days like this again, why not do it? We just need to be really careful with back up plans and everything! Photo is of "The Farm"!! The love claimed the shirt that comes with it xD Other is of something I can' =t believe you did. haha

Monday, May 17, 2010

I'm Fighting For It

Life undoubtedly brings changes, but they aren't necessarily good ones. These are more or less additional challenges for us to get through. It's kind of ironic because I had just finally figured out how to control my emotions and now it seems as if that won't be necessary some time from now. Then again, changes are constantly happening. It's not like one change happens and the rest of your life is ruined. Like a domino affect, other changes will take on after that, and maybe we will find ourselves in a position better than where we think we'll be in. I promise. I will pray to god every night starting tonight that we will have our time. "I am so set on the idea that one day we will have it all." Photo is of us. You are my everything, my world. There is no such thing as a life without you.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Want to Breathe Already!

I'm really looking forward to the end of this week. By then, I feel like I'll be able to take my first real breath of relief - stress free. It is currently 2:50AM and I just finished my Resume project. (Well, for the most part. I just have the bibliography left) Hrm. Now its 3:17AM and Papa just woke up. We have clashed at this hour too many times that he doesn't even really lecture me about it anymore. We both know its bad, but I'm not really stopping. Today has been not so much stressful, but tiring. I woke up this morning knowing that right after church I would have to make up my captain's audition piece. It was definitely annoying. I kept coming up into mind-blocks doing the same moves. I eventually gave up, only with about 1:20 of work. Haha, fail. The song I chose is too fast, but it's way too late to change it now. I hate staying on the computer so late, just for the fact htat I end up slouching over the computer desk and now my back hurts. I want to sleep already! But leadership forms call to be finished. Photo is of finished project - FINALLY.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dilated And Out Of Focus

Sooo.. I finally went to the eye doctor today! I went with my Ma to Claara Maass for a 10:30AM appointment and there was a point where I almost didn't go through with it. Apparently the were some difficulties of what insurances the center "worked with", but we got it settles some how. Gah, not only have I been feeling dyslexic, but today I felt blind, too! "Hi, I'm Stefanellie Saavedra and I am a blind dyslexic :D" Yeah, that doesn't sound too great. A really awkward part about the exam was have the old creepy doctor right up against my face wearing a headpiece with a bright light and a magnifier. He kept breathing out in the way that I didn't want to inhale; I didn't want to take in his air. *shivers* OH. So, I was given some dilating eye drops during the exam and they didn't go into effect until right before I left. I was warned that my vision would get a little blurry and I would be a little sensitive to light. Right before we left, I had to copy down a phone number onto a form. When I tried to read the card I was reading the number off, it got so blurry! Pulling it far from my face, it got clearer. Then, when we left, I walked outside and the sky alone was too bright, I couldn't even keep my eyes open - so I squinted. Either way, I still thought it was hilarious to have those kind of drops. I laughed every now and then and looked into my phone as a mirror to check out that huge black circle surrounded by so little of a brown ring. Photo is of my father chillin' out on the floor watching TV. LOL. I don't even know.

And I guess why not my dilated eyes :D (Well, one of them at least)

Friday, May 14, 2010

My Self-Confidence Feels Strong Than Ever

So I could start off with the greatest accomplishment of tonight, but they way my heart feels from the last events of tonight brought me back to 6 months ago. After the Talent Show, we walked to Wendy's with Julian. There was no awkwardness and I was with you. There was one point where you put your arm around me and we continued to walk and I and loved. Then, when I gave you a ride home, I leaned into the nook of your neck the entire time. Just that alone had me in my happiest place - funniest thing: it's not in my mind, as the saying goes. You are real. We are real. This love is my happiest place. Then, as soon as your head leaned in towards mine and we kissed, nostalgia could have knocked me off my seat. The feeling of sitting so close to you and share kisses where each made my cheeks warm up to your love (no embarrassment, no nothing) brought me back to that one, single time we went to the movies. "Except we weren't this close," you said. There was no chair arm between us; we were so godly close.

Now onto tonight itself. I can't believe it. I did the Talent Show. I feel like this is definitely one of my greatest accomplishments because in a nutshell, I destroyed something that I first joined with hesitation. Being a beginner at doing any choreo, I learned the entire show in a matter of four days! It wasn't that I just learned it either. I was able to move with my own body with confidence. I knew what I was doing and I didn't let the nervousness of being on stage try to ruin it. As I was told, it was good but not as good as our previous rehearsal. I honestly don't mind because hey, I'm new and we are all really proud of ourselves! Being nervous is something understand and I know that from experience. I really want to get more into dancing because hey, I did it when I was 8 and was good. There is no legitimate reason for me to not pick it back up! My self-confidence has gone from an 80 to a 90 which means just about everything to me. I really want to keep dancing, no lie. Photo ain't exactly a pretty picture. It is just something I took while lying on the table after we practiced a little in the auditorium. Boy was it hot in there!


Thursday, May 13, 2010

My Eyes Won't Stay Open!

Holly crap I'm so tired! I tried to do my two Chapter outlines, but I'm way too tired to do this right now. Tonight was Battle of the Classes which was great. I'm pretty sure that the Freshmen won. Then, after that, we went back to Jamie's again to work on the choreo. At first there was A LOT of stress about getting everything done by tomorrow because frankly, TOMORROW IS THE NIGHT. The show is tomorrow night and I really think we'll be between descent and good. I've never expected myself to be as confident with how I dance now and I hope it is conveyed through my moves on stage! Photo is of Roland working at his best effort at Jamie's. Yea, just kidding :D He is actually amazing at making choreo, I'm pretty jealous ahah

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

This Week Has GOT To End!!

Happy Hump Day! Part of me is glad that it's Wednesday because that means we are that much closer to the weekend- to some kind of rest. The stresses of this week can get pretty unbearable if you can't organize yourself. I'm at the point where I'm kind of giving up as work also starts to die down a little. Today we had Talent Show rehearsal which was dang busy. We finally got our mix in which I pulled my ass through the night in order to make, and more choreo was made today. Now that I think about it, we have most of our 3 minutes done! I'm also learning to realize that hey, I might actually be able to dance! I'm really excited and hopefully for what we can pull together by tomorrow. It's going to be a crazy night. Photo is Sean while we chilled back stage. :D

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

So..It's Almost 4AM.

The nervousness in today kind of felt like when we first started going out. I was a nice feeling of nostalgia. Anyways, I pretty damned tired @_@ This is the first all-nighter I've pulled in a while and I'm really glad I got that iced coffee tonight! I'm glad the person who made it failed and put tooo much sugar because It's keeping me up right now. I wouldn't want to stay up so late by my own free will, at least not this week. There's too much stress involved that I would want all the Zzz's I can catch. I had to stay up to make the mix for the Talent Show Act we're doing. I'm all of a sudden in a dance crew since last Thursday, and the show is ON FRIDAY. We are still choreographing and everything, but my biggest hopes tell me that we'll turn out okay. I hope!! Photo is of a drawing I did in my study. :P

Monday, May 10, 2010

I Don't Know, Man.. My Neck Is Feelin' A Little Sore !

I won't say anything. I won't say anything. You are mine and that is all that matters..

Today was fairly interesting due to the fact that I didn't get to school til 8:30AM. Not even down the street or around the corner, but about 100 ft. from School #4, we got into an accident. Some car ran into, more or less, under the bus. On the bus, all we felt was this slight whip-lash that made most of go "wth?" Eventually Stephanie, the bus driver, put the bus in park, and stepped out to deal with the mess. Being in the bus, we didn't really get affected. The car that ran into us, on the the other hand, got messed up! The front bumper was crushed and the hood bent up and in at a 40 degree angle. So there we were, sitting for a good 45 minutes from 7:30AM to almost 8:30AM. I actually made a new friend today in that time. I sat next to Viny, George, and new kid Andy. It was pretty funny because two of us were starving. Viny called his mom to bring him a sandwich, but then we left. hahaha Anyways, it was a nice feeling to finally see you after first period. A hug felt good about then. I need to start accepting that I won't have your shown affection all the time. There are other people in the world who have your friendship, which I understand in my shoes as well. Its just that right now, I feel like when ever we're in the same room, I always want to be with you conversing, laughing, kissing, I don't care. But that's too selfish of me. I remember months ago, when you didn't want to share me with other people. I made bad choices - whatever. Now I feel like I'm in your position, months ago, and your enjoying life as it comes. Well, it's only fair. I'll change.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Momma Day

Bleh I have that sour, vomit taste in my mouth right now! I have no idea why. Anyways, today I missed my optician appointment. We purposely went to church at 10:30AM to get to the mall by noon. Yeah, we got there at 12:22AM, and the guy was such a douche! He was like, "You missed your appointment. The doctor left." His tone of voice had such an attitude to it. I wanted to punch him in the face! Well, we ate at the food court and then came back home. Even though it's Mother's Day, we didn't do anything too crazy. We got home and I began to read my ass off. Sparknotes definitely helps in a time like this because last night I left off on page 70 and the books ends at page 235. I finished by like 8:30PM! :D I felt so proud. Then, I decided to watch the movie which was a bad idea. Like most book-based movies, the details were skewed and made me get confused with what really happened. Anyways, I would just like to say Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and motherly figures! I wish my bond with my mother was more of the friendly type, but you can't argue with what you have. I love you, Mama! ♥ Photo is of me in the Sears bathroom waiting for Mama to finish. I think this is gonna become my default on Facebook

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day Weekend

Today was not too eventful or crazy; just mediocre. I would have liked to go out with friends, but then I wouldn't be able to come home in time to leave time to read. This whole day, I have gotten myself to pg. 70. I'm not to far behind. Anyways, today I went to the mall with my parents around 5PM. Being that it is Mother's Day weekend, I tried not to buy anything with my mom's money. Instead, we went to Express and I helped her pick out a really nice outfit. We tried on clothes together which was nice. I wanted to make her feel young again because she truly was hot when she was younger. Photo is of that.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Guns Went *PEW-PEW*

So apparently there was a shooting tonight at the carnival here by Stop & Shop. *pew-pew* That's my gunshot sound. Anyways, I guess it was a good thing I chose to stay in for homework rather than go out to the carnival with my friends. I am one less life potentially risked, but as long as all my friends are okay, I am okay. So at home, I stayed trying to read Lord of the Flies, which is due Monday. I think I'm on page 16 or something, go me! :D Earlier in school, I feel like I coped better? I won't emotionally deny whether something phases me or not, but I'm not going to publicly announce it anymore. Hell, I probably will, but I'm cutting down. In retrospect, I look at it from his perspective. I constantly nagged and complained about the same thing, over and over. People tell me, "Hey, you're the girlfriend. You're supposed to do that", but it's not completely acceptable. In his shoes, I would be annoyed and constantly thinking "Again? wtf?" It is probably what he thinks, too. So to save the drama, I'm going to keep control, and try to be mature. I'm not promising results. I'm promising efforts. Photo is of the boook.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Officially Missing You

It makes me sad that you weren't here today. I wanted to kiss you so bad this morning after all of yesterday. After not getting that morning text back from you and finding out you weren't in first period from Shalier, I suddenly felt like my day was over. All of the energy I mustered up in the morning for school was gone because usually I save it for you. When I walked into French, period 2, I became so tired and rested my head on my books basically the whole period. I missed you and sometimes the only way to cope is to close my eyes and dream. Anyways, I got through the day somehow, and had nothing to do after wards. Mrs. B wasn't there, so the Mr. Furia was closing up the bandroom. Ana was sick, Jaelynn probably went home, you weren't here, so I went home. The weather was so beautiful today. I really enjoyed walking to the bus stop and home. The breeze was just right with the perfect amount of warmth on my skin. It's nice to come home early once in a while and just enjoy the afternoon itself. Photo is of me fresh outta the shower :D From my Tumblr post, of course.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

You Are Mine And That Is All that Matters

Being too open in a relationship can bite you in the butt. There's a point where you're telling too much of everything or I don't say anything. Unfortunately, all I have been doing is complaining on and on about jealousy and little problems here and there. Today you guys had practice for Battle of the Classes, and I just drifted around with other people. I started learning choreo for another group for the Talent show, so who knows, maybe I will do it. It is hard to keep composure with the feelings I tend to feel. You told me that I'm letting these emotions take over and ruin our relationship. The idea is yes, I do get jealous, but no, I don't think you'll cheat on me. It's set in the back of my mind that you won't, but there was this one thing next to jealousy that stood alongside it. I saw you happy in a conversation with her and it made me feel like I couldn't accomplish that with you. I have brought all of our arguments to life basically and caused much stress for you and I. The whole time, I started ranting to Rey, Greg, and Kim just because I needed to let it out. Finally, your practice was over, and I came over. Composure, composure, composure. I lost it as I stood there with my forehead against yours. We got some kind of privacy in the chorus room, with the occasional KENNETH passing by, haha. I know I keep trying and failing, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying. Eventually feelings were better in a sense, being able to talk about it, and overtime was ours. It was already past 5PM and you probably should have been home, but I kept you for about another hour. Though you got yelled at when you got home, I don't regret it. <3 You gave me a wedgie D: Photo is of me working on Chemistry outlines tonight.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Lost What I Cherish So Dearly

Today we had the Jazz Festival. There were a couple emotions around about. Some were old and some were new kinds of sadness. I posted a long one on Tumblr, so I'll use it here.

For a good while now, the chain-link on the necklace he gave me would always loosen. The idea to put it on a different line was in my mind, but I never set myself to do so. I thought the brown strings and ribbon kept an authentic touch to it.

After school, we walked to his house so he could change for the Jazz Festival tonight. We ran a little because we short on time, so it could have happened then. Then, we went on our way to Dunkin Donuts to get something for the bake sale during the fest. We get back to the HS and I go into the closet to change into my concert outfit. I take off my shirt and, long behold, the string is all I see, unattached. From there on, my heart dropped and I laid quiet. Distraught? I think so.

Even though it is just a necklace that a boyfriend gave, it means everything to me. It was the first loving gift I have ever received.

Despite the fact that the festival would start soon, I went on and backtracked everywhere, literally. My eyes were glued to the ground, but what made me wanted to cry was backtracking in the grass. Then the rain began to drizzle. It never ended up raining forreal, just a decent drizzle at that.

I was also breaking into a new pair of flats. Wearing them during the day was fine. They were the most comfortable pair of flats I’ve ever worn. But any pair of flats regardless can only result in blisters. I definitely got those. Before I knew the necklace went missing, I complained about walking all around in them. They hurt, most definitely. Although, when I left for the search, I had no intentions about worrying about the pain anymore. It became a petty thing, forgotten.

By the time I got back to the high school, I was full of blisters, beginning to bleed. After having my eyes glued on the floor for about an hour of searching, I lost my focus. If you have ever played Guitar Hero, there is this feeling of your vision still moving towards you like in the game. I looked up at the sky and the clouds were coming towards me. I blinked, and it happened again. I still have the string to the necklace, but no amulet.

From the day I got that necklace on our second monthary [I believe?], I have never worn another necklace in it’s place. Never. I guess tomorrow I’m back to the Sparrow necklace.

Photo is of webcam post of empty chesstt D;

Monday, May 3, 2010

It Not Cute It's Not Funny; It's Rude And Mean

It felt good, not having to worry about whose around or hurting anyone's feelings, kissing you today. There was something about that little freedom that made me so happy to be with you. Other than that it was HOT AS BALLS today. I took a shower last night, but walking into school today made me forget that I ever even did. I'm so grate to have the greater percentage of my day spent in Air-conditioned rooms! Maaaan, do I keep fucking up. Photo is of dick drawing while lotioning Jaelynn's leg haha

Sunday, May 2, 2010

We're Just Ordinary People

I'm really proud of myself for all the progress I've gotten in learning the choreo in a video I favorited and learning a song on guitar. Unfortunately, that whole time I was progressing, my school work stayed exactly where it was. I kept saying I would start, originally at 2PM, but I didn't start until 10PM :D Nothing too great happened today, except the thought of what this week will bring. I already see it as another one of those 5 days that I want to end right now and it hasn't even begun. I have to memorize Macbeth lines for Tuesday, read Lord of the Flies, do an extra credit journal, and a Chemistry outline this week. Oh man. Photo is of the sign Adrian requested me to make :)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Dance Dance Dance - No Matter How Awkward You Look

So this whole day, I have been aspiring to learn some choreo. The best friend and I have challenged each other to a dance battle over the internet! ahah The feeling of learning and doing things right is something that always makes me feel good. I have even considered going for some of those workshops! But don't fret, I already know its not going to happen. Today I also went to the mall and Urban Outfitters with my brother. Boyyy, does that place make me happy! Urban definitely expresses my sense of style better, just not entirely. I got a pair of canvas shoes there and even though they may not last forever or end up being so comfortable, they were cheap and looked good! A lot of their shoes are actually very decent and I definitely want to go back! I haven't been going out these days, and I need to change that. The feelings are not the best staying home while talking to someone who is out and having a busy day because you realize you should be doing the same. Hopefully out next weekend! Photo is of shoes I bought! :D