Momma Day

Bleh I have that sour, vomit taste in my mouth right now! I have no idea why. Anyways, today I missed my optician appointment. We purposely went to church at 10:30AM to get to the mall by noon. Yeah, we got there at 12:22AM, and the guy was such a douche! He was like, "You missed your appointment. The doctor left." His tone of voice had such an attitude to it. I wanted to punch him in the face! Well, we ate at the food court and then came back home. Even though it's Mother's Day, we didn't do anything too crazy. We got home and I began to read my ass off. Sparknotes definitely helps in a time like this because last night I left off on page 70 and the books ends at page 235. I finished by like 8:30PM! :D I felt so proud. Then, I decided to watch the movie which was a bad idea. Like most book-based movies, the details were skewed and made me get confused with what really happened. Anyways, I would just like to say Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and motherly figures! I wish my bond with my mother was more of the friendly type, but you can't argue with what you have. I love you, Mama! ♥ Photo is of me in the Sears bathroom waiting for Mama to finish. I think this is gonna become my default on Facebook

Mother's Day Weekend

Today was not too eventful or crazy; just mediocre. I would have liked to go out with friends, but then I wouldn't be able to come home in time to leave time to read. This whole day, I have gotten myself to pg. 70. I'm not to far behind. Anyways, today I went to the mall with my parents around 5PM. Being that it is Mother's Day weekend, I tried not to buy anything with my mom's money. Instead, we went to Express and I helped her pick out a really nice outfit. We tried on clothes together which was nice. I wanted to make her feel young again because she truly was hot when she was younger. Photo is of that.

Mind Of A Shopaholic

Laid back and chill. So one thing that my mother and I have in common is a love of going to the mall. It isn't about giving away all of your greens and sliding the shit out of that plastic card. We simply find an enjoyment of being out and about among shops and restaurants. I for one also favor the idea of not being home! Today, my mother and I took the bus all the way to Willowbrook Mall. The fact that the fee was only $2.15 made me a very happy camper. Anyways, my mother and I got to the mall around 3PM and just went with the flow. There was no rush as if we were driven there and our ride had to leave. We weren't stressed as if there were a billion people around because it was early; everyone was at work and in school. I didn't buy much, but I feel like the greatest excitement was walking into that fitting room with a bunch of clothes. If you are anything like me, some of the clothes are things you are considering buying. others are clothes that you think look nice, but you probably won't buy it - at least not today. Now, the REST of the clothes are ones that made you giggle a little to yourself as you saw it hanging on the rack and you wondered to yourself, "People actually wear this?!" On the other hand, the greateat disappontment is putting clothes that you THOUGHT or HOPED would fit but it didn't even get passed half way on. My rant on shopping could go on for days, so I should cut this short. Photo is of chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory that my mother and I shared. I couldn't even finish after the two appetizers and bread we ate!

Greatest Gift Delivered Tonight

Merry Merry Christmas.. a lot of you should be lucky for the way you spend you holidays. Mine are low-key and I've come to accept that, but I do always wish for more.. I wish for family gatherings and big social scenes, but we can't always get what we want, huh? The entire day was fine until my greatest gift of all was delivered tonight: an arguement with my mother. Good god, those get pretty intense. Over some dishes, really? She kept riding up my butt about it even thoguht I said "Okay". My temper rose and hyperventilation kicked in. She wouldnt stop yelling. I ran to the room to cool off, and she opens the door 10 seconds later and continues to yell at me. Really now? Atleast let me breathe. Photo's of cookies [snowballs] I finished off making for my sister that caused the arguement.

Doing A 180

Oh god..today has been a day. As most day this one seemed to start off good. I had canceled practice this morning in order to spend time with my mother, who is leaving tomorrow morning for the Philippines. We really did our best at having a relaxed, chill day in Atlantic City and that is what happened. We had a chill day in AC. My mother, my sister, and I had sushi, layed on the beach for like 5 minutes, walked into the seaweed filled Atlantic Ocean (gross), shopped, and so forth. I even got to go to the Converse Outlet!! finallyy!! I got me a nice, clean pair ;D




So yeah. We had a good day at AC. Our night back in Belleville, on the other hand was something completely different. When the three of us got back to town, we all got pedicures to beautify our les pieds hehe. But. Coming back home was killer. Things started happening al at once and it felt like the world itself was falling apart. My mother was no longer calm, argueing with my brother about her flight tomorrow morning to go to the Philippines. She was being herself again >.> Oh well..people are people.













Meet my sister, Christianne.

NYC, BABY!

As of this past day..it has been fun and interesting! This morning began with doing some errands with the brother and mother. We went to St. Michael's Hospital in Newark, to take care of some stuff for my mom's leaving on Wednesday. It made me feel a little bit iffy to see my mom breakdown as she talked to a couple of co-workers. But to be honest, she has been taking it very strongly, and I give all that I can to her! Then, we went to Costco and Chipotle where my bro had this GINORMOUS BURRITO! For me i would say it would take about an hour to eat that thing! WHERE AS..he devoured it in 10 minutes! ehh crazy shit!

Around 2, I met up with Olga, Michael, Greg, and Phillip to head to the city. Today we all have admitted it about once or twice, but it is a very random group! We never really hang out all together, but hey, change is good right?It's too much to type but I know its a day I won't forgot.. I hope a MrVangeldren post up some of those pictures soon! >.>

BTW..meet my brother, Marc. haha He bodybuilds.

(IDK..i just needed another picture, I didn't take any today!!)

Bonding

So every since Thursday, I've kinda promised myself to always be there for my mom until she leaves for the Philippines. I've been with her this whole day and we did a lot - subtle things, though. We all went to drop off my father and his parents to the airport and when we got back it was just my mother and I at home. We bonded today lol. We shared a little snack of pandesal with butter, and some hot chocolate.

Because we share this love, I 'm apparently "Truely a mother's daughter" xD

Then, I walked with her to Stop and Shop and PathMark..as much as I didn't want to.

Finally, with my brother home from military drill, we had some dinner at the Nevada Diner in Bloomfield; that is by far, my favorite diner =) Belgian waffles with strawberries and ice cream always get the best of me!

wtf I hate my neck!

Dreading That Key

This is the earliest post yet, but my wake up call this morning was not the same. On a typical day, I would wake up around 8:30 AM to the cheerful, persisting voice of my mother calling out to our pets. Thats one of the downsides of sleeping in the living room; you hear everything. Whether you are awake or not, you are part of the life that flows through a tiny apartment. On a typical morning, the phone likes to ring A LOT. Sometimes we don't bother to answer, but my sister picked up the phone out of failure to ignore it.
The phone ringing let alone annoyed me. Then, was the sound of confusion in my sisters voice trying to understand the language on the other line. It was my mothers relatives in the Philippines. Half conscious, I detect a shocked, and indescribable "OH." My heart suddenly dropped. My mind began to race as I waited for my sister to put down the phone. I immediately came to full consciousness, forgetting about the glories of sleep.

My grandfather, my LoLo Pol, had just passed away earlier this morning.

We got the call at 6:10 AM. The biggest thing about this is that my mother has not yet arrived home from her night shift at the hospital. In hopes to understand what to do, I hopped into the shower as my sister packed her things for the day, as she already had plans to go to the beach. She was not sure whether to go or not, but it was decided.

I'm sitting here, in the living room, dreading the hear that key shove its rough metal self into the door lock, allowing my mother to enter.

I sit here in a towel and robe, dreading it. I am the one who has to tell her about it. I wasn't sure, nor have I ever thought about carrying the title "The Bearer of Bad News". For a good while I pondered about how am I going to take care of this? Do I give her the number they left to call back? Or should I tell her first, only see her drop her pink bookbag that she carries her work supplies in; only to see her eyes once again swell up with a redness that I have seen in 2001; only to see her heart drop as mine did earlier; only to see her take in the final death that verifies that both her parents are deceased?

I wasn't very close with my Lolo, but I have visited the Philippines a few times well enough to know that I care for him. My greatest sympathies go out to him as mourning his death will be something to edure. But what hit me the most, emotionally, was the fact that I would have to watch my mother mourn once again, the passing of her parent.

I HATE seeing my mother cry. I absolutely hate it for a few reasons. First of all, no one wants to see their parents cry. We see them as strong people who always hold ground for the family. This expresses the characteristic of vulnerability that every single human being shares. Secondly, I despise the site because sometimes I am the reason for those tears. If not, I am part of the reasons - no, I am, whole, one separate reason as to why there is so much stress in her life.

I admit to myself and to you, and I have been a very difficult child to have raised. Chores never done, attitude thrown around. I regret it all. Its all been like a cake; problems layers on top of another and another. There is icing inbetween that represents the good times we shared inbetween, but I soon enough would see the shadows of another layer coming from overhead.

In bed, I prayed to god. I prayed for his loss, but moreover I prayed to Him for strength. Just so you know, this isn't some holy faith blog, if you are reading this right now. I prayed to himm, begging to give my mother strength; she needs all the strength she can find to get through this.

I know I might not know you, but can you please just take a second to pray for them both: his loss and for her strength.

I'm not the type to be asking out for your prayers, but for the past half hour that I've been typing this, I'm still finding some strength to actually tell her.

There is no picture for this post.