Believing That Gut Feeling Again

I'm not sure how much truth is in the feelings I felt today, and I'm a little embarrassed to post it. I would like to believe that we are finally happy. I know that a streak of three days of nothing but happiness, can't exactly prove me right, but I couldn't help but indulge in our happiness.

This morning went pretty well, as far as rehearsal goes. We started learning work, which meant we are starting to turn the notch up for the rookies. Even with that, everyone was learning work at a decent pace, especially for the first day. I'm pretty confident with where we are right now. We only have 2 new girls. Jaelynn came by with Erik to visit, and it was really nice seeing her in that environment again.. I wish things weren't the way they were, but I can only do so much and keep moving. I just might try again, but I don't want to ride up her butt about rejoining. So maybe just once more. After rehearsal, I hit up the lover because I have been dying to see him. Apparently, the maid was still home and finding reasons to stay longer. While waiting, I made my way to 7-11 where I bought myself a slurpee and two taquitos. Finally, when I was able to go over his hosue when the coast was clear, I have him one taquito and most of the slurpee. [it started to melt!] Minus a scare in the form of a knocking at the door WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE FRANCIS, everything in this day had my mind and heart in the state on being content. Three days of this and I don't know whether or not to believe my gut feeling. Photo is of another flag design I tried to make for our guard this morning. It's crap, I know.

Happy Birthday Deejay Rock!

I take a little step outside out of my recent negativity and realize that hey, I had a good day. After church, I went to Deejay's house for his birthday. We all just chilled out for the afternoon, watching movies and eating some good BBQ and chips. I was told to bring a bathing suit just in case, but it was raining for a good while. I was mentally set on an afternoon in, just chilling. A small group of us, Jae, Ana, Emily, Shianne, Deejay, and I, talked and chilled out, even playing some pool and air hockey. Politely, I stopped texting the lover, and actually enjoyed the party. I didn't worry too much and just decided to have a good time. I haven't been out much lately, so today was the start of that change. It was nice getting to hang out with Jae again, along with Ana, too. Times like today with these people always have me laughing so hard, I love them! Photo is of Kim's bracelet which I finished tonight! :)

Captain? I Am & Swimming? I'm Up For It

Today felt like our first legitimate practice. I haven't done anything lately, so I found myself breathing heavily and a little out of shape. A new girl came today, and teaching her with the other four of us went the closest it could be to "smoothly". I feel like I'm adapting more into this role as captain because giving commands or leading flag basics doesn't make me too nervous anymore. It still does, but at a much more comfortable level. Although I miss a few people who are gone and a new girl quit today, I'm still moving forward. In my role, I aspire to be the best leader I can be and give these girls the greatest experiences as a guard member. I want them to feel what I've felt in my years experiences. Sure, there are times when I hate it, but I know without it, I'm slightly lost. The new girl has a boyfriend in the band and I wished for myself, "Dang I wish my boyprend was here, too!"

Later, after practice, I thought he wasn't coming by. While I was in the chorus room, I turned around and there he was standing in the middle room! Anything else on my mind such as guard, practices, or friends completely left my conscience. My mind dropped into a state where my one and only goal was to get over there and hug him so tightly. It was the same feeling as from last night and I loved it. We ended up going swimming at Deejay's house with Ana and Emily which was fun, to say the least. I like this idea of hanging out altogether. I mean, based on my views of today, it worked out. Maybe this is possible. Photo is of a flag design we might need, considering how our instructor had to quit. We're on our own.

Fail To Say Goodbye

The initial plans for today didn't go according to plan. [But the never do, right?] Considering the fact that Jon leaves today, Ana and I wanted to hang out with him one last time. His flight was at 5PM leaving Belleville at 4PM, so we wanted to have a little get together for lunch around 1PM. The idea was to meet at Ana's and have a little "pizza picnic". Weather denied that from happening. I decided to still chill with Ana today, and it was good. We kind of had our "Going Away Party" for Jon without him. We ordered pizza and played Xbox. Ohh - how I want that one bad! It was a very chill day and I enjoyed it. Honestly, at times I did feel like I wasn't as exciting as others who come over, but I hope she enjoys my company as much as I do hers. I REAALLY want an Xbox 360.

This morning was good, too. He came over, even though he was tired and I'm so grateful for that. The first thing I did was thank him. We made chocolate chip pancakes which were amazing and I finished making batches of cookies. It started raining and even with that, we biked to the other side of Belleville. We ARE troopers :) I love you so much, for every sacrifice you do for me. Photo is of awesome band-aids I teased Jacob about. He hates Dora :)

Finished Bracelets & Redeemed Meetings

In my eyes, today was very eventful. Unfortunately the morning didn't go according to plan, as he woke up late. Initially, he was to wake up around 8 and get here in the morning so we could have a day to us, but he didn't wake up until 11AM. I was a little upset because I was so excited to see him, but as long as I was going to see him soon, I was content. He came over and we hung out. We walked to "China Town" to get some Chinese food to bring it back to the house - we ate while watching Adventure Time. Ah, fun. We were able to spend a lot more time than usual, but he had to leave around 4PM. I left with him. We went to Wendy's where I finally got in contact with Roland. He called me at 4PM and the showtime for a movie we wanted to watch was at 5:20PM. At that time, we were still at Wendy's and the notice was way too short. They drove by and we tried to work something out. Didn't work out. I would have really loved to hang out with Roland, but I guess not today. "I guess, if you get there, we'll see you there," they said. Unfortunately, Jacob was down for reasons of feeling ditched or used for a period of time and then put aside while I hang out with others. That case is not true. Not too far on the way biking home, I came up with the reckless idea to catch up with him. Hey, if I wasn't going to see the movie, then I still wanted to see him. I didn't think too much into it, but at the First Station, I turned my bike around and peddled like hell.

I made it pretty far without stopping, but I was a little sad to not see any sign of him in the distance. I didn't stop until I got to the hill. That was kind of tiring, not gonna lie. I didn't stop though, I just went slower. I kept trying to call him and it all seemed like a replay of this morning when I called him about 20 times like a crazy woman trying to wake him up. He finally called back and I, out of breath, answered. I explained to him my impulsive decision to bike after him and he agreed to meet me behind his house on Tappan Ave. So I'm biking aimlessly up and down the street and then I notice a big, red Chevy Trailblazer pass by. His mom drives a big, red Chevy Trailblazer. FML. I'm a little freaked out, and so I call him. I asked if his mom came home and he said yeah, she just got in. I explained to him the situation and he said he doesn't think she saw me, since she didn't mention it.

Eh, her being home meant I couldn't see him. Yet, I was pretty thirsty [I had a frosty at Wendy's] so I still asked for a water. He left it on the front steps and I got it. He called me back up with a "My mom want to know if you're thirsty?" I was being invited up for a refreshment. I didn't know what to think nor did I know what to say other than a jumble of stutters. This was the lady who caught us and lectured us twice - is she really asking me to come up? I've learned to take initiative and I accepted. I came into the kitchen, greeted her, and sat down while he made a pitcher of Lipton Iced Tea. I managed to keep cool while she asked about me. This was definitely a better way to meet her. Then, his father came home. It was all definitely weird in a sense, but I over came that and greeted him as well. As time went on, I stuffed myself with so much Iced Tea. I felt like I might throw up on the ride home. When I finally left, I thanked her for the drink and said goodbye. He walked me out to the front and we shared our hugs and few kisses. I'm so proud of that afternoon because I could easily have held back on the offer and went home, but I took it up to see where my possibilities would lead. I finished my first good bracelet tonight! that is another thing I am proud of. The photo is of just that.

Relaxing & Surrounded By Ice Cream

Oh, it felt so good to sleep through the night. For the past two days I was out and about, walking up and down a mountain and all around the city. I took today to just chill out and relax. I slept in until around 1PM and took my shower to clean off yesterday's chlorine. I decided to stay in for the day. Later in the afternoon around 6:30PM I got dropped off at Applegate Farm to keep Roland company through his 6PM-11PM shift. I found myself "people watching" as this one little boy made a mess of his vanilla cone - it was the cutest. These two little girls were picking out their flavors and they seemed a little controlling. These group of girls were having their night out. Roland and I didn't get to talk much because of customers ofcourse, but I didn't mind it in the least. Watching him work really got me thinking of work myself. I need to find a job this winter, and I've been really looking recently. I've been tired from the past few days that I just needed to have a chill night. So here I am back home still laid back and even a little tired from yesterday still.Photo is of Sprinkles - the amazing creepy cow.

The Heck?! It Was 100+ Degrees Outside?!

Well hey, today was good. I'm extremely anxious to spend tomorrow with you and I couldn't help myself today. I had to see you, so I woke up extra early to bike with you. It's more or less an opportunity to just be with you. We chilled at the HS track for a bit and then rode to 7-11 to keep up some kind of hydration and food supply. I had a blanket with me for a picnic we were supposed to have at the Park with Jon and Ana later, but we also used it in the morning for our own little picnic. Goodness. The sun was beating down on us like no tomorrow! We settled down under a tree, but the sun found it's ways to us; we laid in this dry heat for a good while. Compared to the last time we laid there, today was so much better. We actually made very good conversation and I wasn't fading off into thought. I am so proud of today with you. We conversed so well and enjoyed it all.

Later, I brought you along to Ana's house. That was definitely a positive step in bringing two sides of my life together. We just chilled in the living room and watched MTV's Disaster Date and Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. We all talked and laughed here and there. I was happy. He stayed until Jon and Karen came over, so he was able to meet him, actually! :) Unfortunately, he had to leave after that because his mama. So, Karen, Jon, Ana, Emily, and I migrated down to the basement to have our little "picnic". Yeah, it was way to hot to even think about going outside! With blankets laid out, we chilled out and watched Aladdin. That movie was so cute! :3 Gah, I would hate to think back on the fact that I ate my life away throughout the whole movie. I haven't had much today except half a sub from 7-11 from earlier, but the fact that I just binged made me feel bad. When I had to leave early around 7PM, I didn't even bother eating anything else. It's definitely not healthy, but oh well. Photo is of us at the park, just as he honestly requested. Mann, my hair was a hott mess! We played the Penis Game at the park :)

My Biffle Is Home And I PWND

Of course, there is this wild excitement in the fact that a best friend of mine is back in town. There are people in my life, in my heart, who will always hold a superior importance. Unfortunately, they are not always physically around. I am so grateful for the people who keep my heart and mind together and still are around, but it was like laying a bluer hue on my skies when I finally saw Jon for the first time today while we sought for each other on the phone. We were lost on streets not too far away from each other and he was mistaking another for me with a "Is that you in red?!" When I finally saw him at the corner, he came running and my arms were outstretched, begging for a tight, reuniting hug. I couldn't comprehend in my mind, that this guy was really here. We took our walk around and caught up on life - even though we've been talking the whole time online. We took pictures and sat on the turf , chilling out. Then we walked what seemed like miles in the heat. We tried to walk to Chan's house, but she wasn't home. Then, we went to Walgreens. We walked around more, only to find ourselves back at Walgreens. My new sandals from last night were too tight and I was beginning to blister as my feet are now. So, we bought $2.99 flip flops! Gah, what a relief to my feet! Later, we made our way to Kendrick's for the BBQ. At first, based on what I was told about it, I thought there would be drinking and whatnot. I already had my mind mentally set on how I would handle that situation. As it turns out, I spend the afternoon with some great people, some new and some old. My awkwardness wasn't too bad because frankly, Jon was there, too. He and I were both kind of new to hanging out with everyone, so even if I did feel awkward, there was still him I could talk to. The night went to well, socially and in general. At one point in the afternoon, I played COD for the first time in my life. AND I PWND. Haha just kidding. I felt so proud of myself for killing Byron and Chris a few times. I wanted to tell Jacob about my accomplishments so bad at the time. At another we didn't know what to do, so we walked together towards Nutley to just watch the fireworks. We ended up seeing various displays in the sky around us at the same time. In the Burger King parking lot, we stood to watch the rest of the NHS show. When we walked back, time was trailing around to the point where we had to leave soon. Basically everyone else was sleeping over, but I knew well enough that I couldn't. Plus, I was more concerned on getting home and talking to a certain someone. He definitely wasn't up to par based on the texts we shared. Well, here I am home. But overall, today was amazing. Photos are of Danny and Byron's gel'd up heads! Also, a fireworks pic from my phone. Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Fireworks And Cookies Made From Butter Melted

Today/tonight was much more fun than expected. Ideally, I went over to Kim's casa this afternoon after not being able to chill for so long. I gave her my belated gift from the beginning of June, which she already had. I had a little feeling that she may have gotten it already, but she never told me! It actually wasn't all that bad though. The one I got her was a slightly different style and was a Medium instead of a Small, but it fit well nonetheless. We made cookies with this chocolate chip mix that I brought over and even added extra white chocolate chips! Yum! Those came out super-good. I still have some left over in my bag :) Then, we sat outside on her porch and had a bowl of ice cream with a cookie - SUPER yum! :D I tried Peach ice cream for the first time and it was really good! Later, her mama took us to B&N [ah, the place I would love to work] and we spent a while there looking through novels, magazines, and astrology books! We later walked to Target to pick up a few things. Her mom came around to pick us up and we were back at her house. Not too long after we left again for the Brookdale Park fireworks, which had already started according to what we were hearing outside. We got dropped off in a craze of traffic and walked the rest of the way to the park. BOY was that park was crowded! As the fireworks exploded in the sky, every flash of light allowed us to see the thousands of heads on the field staring up. We sat in the grass for the rest of the duration and hey, the show wasn't too bad. Afterwards, Kim didn't want to go home or anything yet, so we ended up walking far to meet up with Nicole and Lugo. Walking around in the dark, we found our way to Devin's house. I for one, had no idea where we were as many time as I guessed, but they did. We all walked to a McDonald's which was flooded with people they didn't like. I saw a few familiar faces like Adriane and well.. thats it. :D Considering the amount of unliked people, we walked back to Nicole's house where we made nachos! :) Me and Kim got picked up around 11:30PM. I was a little nervous the whole night because I wasn't home at the usual time, but I only had one ride - Kim. I'm pretty proud of how I helf myself together tonight. I kept myself talking and it really wasn't awkward at all even though I hung out with these people once or never before. Photo is of us at Target. I really liked that fedora :)

"We Could Virtually Have Had A Baby!"

Wow, we could have virtually had a baby in the amount of time we've been dating. As of today, we make 9 months - 9 months I would never want stripped from my mind. No matter what plans needed to be arranged, I know that I needed to be with you. If you couldn't come over, I would willingly bike there and find somewhere to chill - no questions asked. As it turned out, you came over :) I met you half-way here on bike, while you rode yours. Eh, I actually left too late that "half" wasn't exactly relative to it's measured distance. Although our day started a little later because both of us were too tired to get up, we still had our day. Today was also the day I was so eager to make up yesterday's failure in. You were able to tell that I had a little bit a lottabit of tension, trying to make sure I didn't ruin today. Things were a little off at first because I thought about yesterday, but I snapped out of the thought as we began to play video games. I told you the other day that you are so many firsts in my life - both relationship wise and just in general. That involves video games. You know that I freak out and spazz with any kind of RPGs because I never was used to playing them. Now, you are introducing me to them, kind of like facing my fears. I felt accomplished today with a few head shots here and there on the last bullet and amazing [unintentional] feats. Yet, we could not have any of that without any of my yelping when new enemies appear or my abrupt pausing of the game at certain parts. We laughed and laughed as we traded off missions in Drake's Fortune because we kept dying! My mind was clear from there on and your kisses felt so good. Later, we went into the kitchen and started to make crepes - that was when my tension also began to rise. My lola was just leaning against the back of a chair, staring while we cooked and I just felt super uncomfortable at the stove and pulling ingredients out. You tried to tell me to relax and that everything was fine - sorry it took me forever to cool down! x3 You held me at the shoulders with a reassuring look and gave me a few reassuring kisses. It's nothing against her, but I just feel awkward being watched. Eh. I let you taste your first crepe with Nutella filling and you liked it - that brought me a smile. Around 1PM we finally got to get comfortable on the couch and watch Fight Club on Blu-Ray. You love that movie and have been dying to show me it, as I have been dying to watch it with you. It was really good, I'm not going to lie :) I want to finished the movie with you, which will also mean another day you'll be over! I promise you: this summer can & will be ours. At 2:15PM we rode back to the other side of Belleville and just finished our morning together at Wendy's to get some real food! We had to part ways after that - you wanted to get home before yo' mama did. I can't help but think... that if you and I can afford days like this and simply feel this way for so long, then I'm ready to spend a whole lifetime with you. It's understood that you can't have your good days with out your bad ones, but right now we need to balance those days out and climb out of our hole. I'm willing to do that for you and with you. I love you so much.. like a fat boy loves cake. :) After I left, I didn't want to go home so I went to Stop&Shop to buy random things. I ended up getting this bleaching kit for some unwanted stomach hairs. -insecurity mode- Haha, I just think it'll look nice looking more bare at the beach! I can think back on today and really say that I redeemed myself for yesterday's weird phase. God, Jacob Reyes, I love you beyond words. You literally help build me into a person I'm not ashamed to call yours. As our corny romantic minds think, "Always&Forever To Infinity&Beyond" Happy 9 months, mi vida. :) Photo is of us before leaving for Wendy's.

Damp Blankets And Self-Disappointment

I'm a little disappointed in myself today, not going to lie. Day two of some kind of revival for us and my efforts weren't as solid as planned. This morning I woke up and finally got to ride to his house without my mother bitching. I actually rode there with my sister and the route isn't too bad. When we left, I planned on wearing the oh-so-important helmet half way down the street and then removing it. At my checkpoint, I looked back and she was still standing at the side walk. Damnit. I rode all the way to the end of the block and turned the corner to do so. Finally. We got to his house and waited for him to get dressed and come out. When he did, we made our way to the HS track. We rode around a few times and then my sister left because she had a class at noon. After she left, we kind of grew lethargic. Quickly, too. We laid on the new front part of the stadium, where it was like..cinder blocks high enough to sit on and then cement from the butt up carved at an angle. The picture should make a seat like image in your mind. [Sorry if I'm not exactly being the greatest visualizer tonight.] With not much else to do, we laid there and soaked up the sun. Around 11:30AM, we decided to move on with plans to just lay in the park. I was prepared with blankets. We stopped by the 7-11 and got food and whatnot so our stomachs were happy. I can't help but admit that the whole time, I didn't want to do as much talking as we did. I just wanted to soak up the moments by doing things like kissing or hugging, or napping together. I tried to go in for kisses various time or hint at it, but they only lasted so long. I understand - public is always risky. For that late understanding in today, I am disappointed in myself. I kept wishing for these other things in the moments I had with you - things more passionate when instead, we could have had greater conversations. I didn't really engage myself in the conversations we were having because all I wanted to do was kiss you. It was my mistake, but I'm only glad we didn't end bitterly because we can't afford that. We had to part ways at 1PM and yes, I was sad but I could only frown so much. We parted ways and I continued with this new life initiative. I texted Ana to see if she was home because I know that she's one person I need to get back well into my life after pushing away. I came over to only stop by, but ended up staying until around 7PM It was good for the most part. Deejay and Jae came over and it was really great to be around these people I haven't seen in so long. Jesus, I haven't seen Jae for a while either! We watched Degrassi, order Chinese food, and even discussed a poster on her wall about drunk characters! Today was decent, even with the self-disappointment. Tomorrow, I'm praying, will be amazing. It's 9 months, after all. Photo is of us at the track. I'm extra chinky when it's sunny.

MyDayWith Jacob

So I look back on today, and it went beyond well. This morning, I had no intentions of going to school other than picking up the boyprend. Fears of cutting school have completely left my mind, as I woke up in Summer mode- the mode I've been in since the last day of finals. I woke up and got dressed. [AND MET UP WITH THIS REEEEAL SEXY GUY NAMED JACOB. hahaha today me and stefanellie over dur hung out and made pancakes.. it was awesome we really got creative when it came to makin pancakes lol. but unfortunately our day had to end :l.. we tried to fix her ps3 but its crapped out cuz sony sucks mofo!!... but forreal i just helped stef one day closer too 365 posts :] keep on going almost theeeeere!!] I took the school bus and met up with him. From there, we walked out the farthest exit in the math wing and made our way to the bus stop. The walk was pretty damned warm, I'll give it that! We came home, and I took my very much needed shower. For a while we watched TV, tried to fix the PS3 and then we eventually made pancakes. Though they may have not been IHOP style, they were the best pancakes I've ever made in my life with the best person, too. We got full pretty fast. I still can't believe that spent the whole day together- cheesy as it may sound, it was like a dream come true. I've always wanted to spend a morning with him. It's almost like waking up with your significant other on a Saturday morning and just feeling that sense of complete happiness and satisfaction in every aspect of your life. I love having that feeling with you and it makes me eager for the day I can finally wake up and have you by my side. Photo is of our amazing pancakes :)

A Day Well Spent

So today was pretty fun, not gonna lie. It was a half-day and I basically didn't go to any of my classes and just stayed in the band room from third period on to the next day. We played ninja a lot and just chilled out. I also got my schedule for next year changed which was very relieving. Instead of accepting the stress of trying to learn by myself in Physics H, I'm just going to join everyone in AP Chem where I will feel much more comfortable! :D Talking to Mr. Doldi today felt really good and I felt so comfortable in their classroom. It's where I belong haha just kidding. After school, I fell into that dilemma I fell into ever so often. I set my mind for the day to be with him, but he had to go home. That's where I feel like the day ends for me and that is part of the reason of my problems. I can't dwell on the idea that if I can't hang out with him, my day is done. Those days are the perfect opportunity to hang out with others. At first I asked Ana, but she had a party to go to. Then, I thought of Aud, and I became so happy. I haven't hung out with her in so long and this was a great opportunity! We chilled at her house for the afternoon, and even Roland showed up! At first, me and her watched a bunch of weird-ass videos on Youtube about ass-to-face and dick-slamming "dances". Then, Roland came over and we got to watch this Korean Horror movie called Death Bell. It was alright, except I began to grow tired and started dozing off. After the movie, we played [I failed] at Ping-Pong outside. At the end of it, Roland beat Audrey in their match and we just shouldn't discuss mine. haha We went back inside because we were getting eaten alive by mosquitoes!! After a little while of chilling by the piano and listening to me fail at singing also, I got a ride from Roland home. I look back on it and am finally happy to say I had a well-spent afternoon despite my normal mindset. Tonight I began to watch my old DVD of Spirited Away, but grew tired once again. I'm off to take a nap soon. Photo is of Ping-Pong :D

I Spilled Soy Souce On Myself Today.

So apparently I seemed off tonight? It may have been that I've been studying for tomorrow's finals while IMing you; it may have been your 4-minute interval replies in the beginning. The day has just been busy, but the afternoon was good. We may not have perfect days, but as long and we aren't arguing at the end of the day, I'm happy. For this past weekend, we have actually avoided such things from happening. I like it.

Exams today went pretty well. I only had one exam today: Algebra 2. It's pretty unfortunate to say that I haven't been paying attention all year because I've been texting in the back for a majority of the time. Luckily, I did post of the review packet which got me through most of the exam. After that, my usual schedule takes me to another study and then lunch. Today, I could have easily left and gone home, but that would have been silly. I'm here for my friends who are around and I'm staying until they get out xD After school, Jacob and I decided to come back to my place to chill. The plan seemed well, but better options came in the way. Alo and Joriz picked us up from the bus stop where we were supposedly waiting to get back to my place. Instead, I went home, got changed, and then we went out to get something to eat. We ended up going to the Chinese buffet next to Hooters, and it was decent for the $11.99 per head lunch charge. We haven't hung out with them recently and it was pretty nice getting to chill again. Then, we split up as they went to Petco and we roamed Guitar Center :) It wasn't until this day that I walked into the guitar barn in the back of the store filled with guitar godliness @_@ There were so many beautiful guitars and you could just sit down and play! Photo is of the galls galore of sex for your eyes and ears.

A Better Step In Direction

Today was decent. Recently, I have been feeling in a lack of my social being: someone I used to be. I took up the opportunity to chill with Ana at her house for her brother's birthday/graduation party. For a while it was just the three of us, chilling in his room as she played Mass Effect. I really miss having that friend who you could just chill with, not necessarily doing anything exciting. In ways, we found our laughs through misheard slurs or spontaneous ideas of what to do. I've sworn that life is better to move on, to forget struggle with changes in who you are, but there are somethings you can't go. For example, friendships. Later on, Jaelynn and Deejay came over and things finally got exciting in a way. We talked, played some word games, watched Jae fail at the Umbrella game for an hour and a half, and all around had fun. Today was a good start. Photo is of Jae being a creeeper haha!

Chillen, Grillen, And Conversing On The DL.

Well, today was a chill game of waiting. After the useless parade, Jaelynn and I went to Alo's to keep him company for the day. Joriz had left him to go to the beach and Roland just plainly did not want to come. Alo has definitely been a good friend, so it was only right that I be a good friend, proportionately. As he grilled like no tomorrow, we ate some of it which tasted amazing. Also, we had discussed big topic in life right now: dramas, concern, problems, etc. The entire time, we talked about a specific subject, with all hopes in it. Oh, he taught us how to shoot his bow and arrows today! Archery is an uncommon thing to be capable of doing these days, but who cares? It was pretty fun learning how to hold it right and shoot well, targeting the haystack only yards away. Failure followed along here and there, but I miraculously hit it right on the Arizona can on the first shot ever! I jumped up and down like a little girl haha. Our poor judgments resulted in missin gthe haystack and going into the neighbor's yard, hitting the nice, white fence, the ground, and even into the next house over! We stayed until 5:30PM when Joriz came back and we took her to work. Jaelynn, Alo, and I got the Farm and for once, I didn't feel too bad eating it! (Whadda fatty, right?) Driving around, I got to ride in a drift! woooot haha. Then, we chilled at Jeffrey's house for a while, but certain intentions there did not go according to plan. It'll work out, I jus tknow it. Photos are from my first win and Jae's first Farm! :D

Chill Day, Set On Summer Mode

I'm definitely gonna eff up my audition tomorrow.. haha. Part of me has already given up on it and I still have like 20 seconds left to write. wamp. Today was chill. Church went by fact, as I allowed myself to drift into a continuous thread of thought about life. I reminisced on good and bad days, on good futures and bad. Something that urks me is that I went to church looking skinny, having not eaten. Then, after lunch, it goes all down hill from there. I still have not pooped yet and my stomach is bloated. I want to stay skinny all day! This afternoon I also went to the mall, after attempting to work on my audition piece. I finally got some B-cup bras, now that I actually measured myself! It does feel more fitting and comfortable, but it makes me a little sad to say I'm not a C-cup haha. I hemmed up some pants today, bought some nice tops, and the skirt I REALLY wanted. Yay for JC Penny. Thank God tomorrow is a delayed opening woot. Maybe I can work on my audition piece! Sike. Photo is of a square of sprinkles that made me happy. :D We bought 50 pc Munchkins on the way back from the mall.

I Don't Know, Man.. My Neck Is Feelin' A Little Sore !

I won't say anything. I won't say anything. You are mine and that is all that matters..

Today was fairly interesting due to the fact that I didn't get to school til 8:30AM. Not even down the street or around the corner, but about 100 ft. from School #4, we got into an accident. Some car ran into, more or less, under the bus. On the bus, all we felt was this slight whip-lash that made most of go "wth?" Eventually Stephanie, the bus driver, put the bus in park, and stepped out to deal with the mess. Being in the bus, we didn't really get affected. The car that ran into us, on the the other hand, got messed up! The front bumper was crushed and the hood bent up and in at a 40 degree angle. So there we were, sitting for a good 45 minutes from 7:30AM to almost 8:30AM. I actually made a new friend today in that time. I sat next to Viny, George, and new kid Andy. It was pretty funny because two of us were starving. Viny called his mom to bring him a sandwich, but then we left. hahaha Anyways, it was a nice feeling to finally see you after first period. A hug felt good about then. I need to start accepting that I won't have your shown affection all the time. There are other people in the world who have your friendship, which I understand in my shoes as well. Its just that right now, I feel like when ever we're in the same room, I always want to be with you conversing, laughing, kissing, I don't care. But that's too selfish of me. I remember months ago, when you didn't want to share me with other people. I made bad choices - whatever. Now I feel like I'm in your position, months ago, and your enjoying life as it comes. Well, it's only fair. I'll change.

Dance Dance Dance - No Matter How Awkward You Look

So this whole day, I have been aspiring to learn some choreo. The best friend and I have challenged each other to a dance battle over the internet! ahah The feeling of learning and doing things right is something that always makes me feel good. I have even considered going for some of those workshops! But don't fret, I already know its not going to happen. Today I also went to the mall and Urban Outfitters with my brother. Boyyy, does that place make me happy! Urban definitely expresses my sense of style better, just not entirely. I got a pair of canvas shoes there and even though they may not last forever or end up being so comfortable, they were cheap and looked good! A lot of their shoes are actually very decent and I definitely want to go back! I haven't been going out these days, and I need to change that. The feelings are not the best staying home while talking to someone who is out and having a busy day because you realize you should be doing the same. Hopefully out next weekend! Photo is of shoes I bought! :D

Battle Of The Classes

Today was like the first step for man on the moon. Just kidding. Today definitely felt like a first step. After school, we went to Deejay's house to watch them rehearse for battle of the classes. The Freshies definitely have a good act going for them. The important step in my eyes was the fact that Ana and Jacob hung out together somewhat in the same group. It wasn't really awkward at all. No hard feelings or anything. They don't realize it, but they do have things in common. It made me happy to see that, it really did. Today is our 7th monthary and it should have been a good day and it was for the most part. It sucks that we couldn't really spend the day with eachother, but I'll get what I can. It's 12:29AM and I think I already fucked up. I'm this douche who doesn't always listen. Photo is of a condom my brother openly leaves on the computer table. ew.