Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Damp Blankets And Self-Disappointment

I'm a little disappointed in myself today, not going to lie. Day two of some kind of revival for us and my efforts weren't as solid as planned. This morning I woke up and finally got to ride to his house without my mother bitching. I actually rode there with my sister and the route isn't too bad. When we left, I planned on wearing the oh-so-important helmet half way down the street and then removing it. At my checkpoint, I looked back and she was still standing at the side walk. Damnit. I rode all the way to the end of the block and turned the corner to do so. Finally. We got to his house and waited for him to get dressed and come out. When he did, we made our way to the HS track. We rode around a few times and then my sister left because she had a class at noon. After she left, we kind of grew lethargic. Quickly, too. We laid on the new front part of the stadium, where it was like..cinder blocks high enough to sit on and then cement from the butt up carved at an angle. The picture should make a seat like image in your mind. [Sorry if I'm not exactly being the greatest visualizer tonight.] With not much else to do, we laid there and soaked up the sun. Around 11:30AM, we decided to move on with plans to just lay in the park. I was prepared with blankets. We stopped by the 7-11 and got food and whatnot so our stomachs were happy. I can't help but admit that the whole time, I didn't want to do as much talking as we did. I just wanted to soak up the moments by doing things like kissing or hugging, or napping together. I tried to go in for kisses various time or hint at it, but they only lasted so long. I understand - public is always risky. For that late understanding in today, I am disappointed in myself. I kept wishing for these other things in the moments I had with you - things more passionate when instead, we could have had greater conversations. I didn't really engage myself in the conversations we were having because all I wanted to do was kiss you. It was my mistake, but I'm only glad we didn't end bitterly because we can't afford that. We had to part ways at 1PM and yes, I was sad but I could only frown so much. We parted ways and I continued with this new life initiative. I texted Ana to see if she was home because I know that she's one person I need to get back well into my life after pushing away. I came over to only stop by, but ended up staying until around 7PM It was good for the most part. Deejay and Jae came over and it was really great to be around these people I haven't seen in so long. Jesus, I haven't seen Jae for a while either! We watched Degrassi, order Chinese food, and even discussed a poster on her wall about drunk characters! Today was decent, even with the self-disappointment. Tomorrow, I'm praying, will be amazing. It's 9 months, after all. Photo is of us at the track. I'm extra chinky when it's sunny.