Damp Blankets And Self-Disappointment

I'm a little disappointed in myself today, not going to lie. Day two of some kind of revival for us and my efforts weren't as solid as planned. This morning I woke up and finally got to ride to his house without my mother bitching. I actually rode there with my sister and the route isn't too bad. When we left, I planned on wearing the oh-so-important helmet half way down the street and then removing it. At my checkpoint, I looked back and she was still standing at the side walk. Damnit. I rode all the way to the end of the block and turned the corner to do so. Finally. We got to his house and waited for him to get dressed and come out. When he did, we made our way to the HS track. We rode around a few times and then my sister left because she had a class at noon. After she left, we kind of grew lethargic. Quickly, too. We laid on the new front part of the stadium, where it was like..cinder blocks high enough to sit on and then cement from the butt up carved at an angle. The picture should make a seat like image in your mind. [Sorry if I'm not exactly being the greatest visualizer tonight.] With not much else to do, we laid there and soaked up the sun. Around 11:30AM, we decided to move on with plans to just lay in the park. I was prepared with blankets. We stopped by the 7-11 and got food and whatnot so our stomachs were happy. I can't help but admit that the whole time, I didn't want to do as much talking as we did. I just wanted to soak up the moments by doing things like kissing or hugging, or napping together. I tried to go in for kisses various time or hint at it, but they only lasted so long. I understand - public is always risky. For that late understanding in today, I am disappointed in myself. I kept wishing for these other things in the moments I had with you - things more passionate when instead, we could have had greater conversations. I didn't really engage myself in the conversations we were having because all I wanted to do was kiss you. It was my mistake, but I'm only glad we didn't end bitterly because we can't afford that. We had to part ways at 1PM and yes, I was sad but I could only frown so much. We parted ways and I continued with this new life initiative. I texted Ana to see if she was home because I know that she's one person I need to get back well into my life after pushing away. I came over to only stop by, but ended up staying until around 7PM It was good for the most part. Deejay and Jae came over and it was really great to be around these people I haven't seen in so long. Jesus, I haven't seen Jae for a while either! We watched Degrassi, order Chinese food, and even discussed a poster on her wall about drunk characters! Today was decent, even with the self-disappointment. Tomorrow, I'm praying, will be amazing. It's 9 months, after all. Photo is of us at the track. I'm extra chinky when it's sunny.

Of All Days

I really need to stop eating my days away. I need to be more active. Even though I slept in until 1PM, I still ended up eating more than necessary. All that food kind of led me into a little depression, which I tried to sleep off in a way. I never was able to get back to sleep. Trying to sleep actually gave me a headache, so I left the room. As the night progresses or comes to an end right now, I am sad. I felt like the only thing that would let my day end well would be a nice cold, iced coffee. My sister went out about half an hour ago to get it, and she just came back - empty. Apparently Dunking Donuts "ran out". OF ALL DAYS?! Photo is of a chicken wrap from costco, part of today's "diet". Ugh, nasty shet.

Chillen, Grillen, And Conversing On The DL.

Well, today was a chill game of waiting. After the useless parade, Jaelynn and I went to Alo's to keep him company for the day. Joriz had left him to go to the beach and Roland just plainly did not want to come. Alo has definitely been a good friend, so it was only right that I be a good friend, proportionately. As he grilled like no tomorrow, we ate some of it which tasted amazing. Also, we had discussed big topic in life right now: dramas, concern, problems, etc. The entire time, we talked about a specific subject, with all hopes in it. Oh, he taught us how to shoot his bow and arrows today! Archery is an uncommon thing to be capable of doing these days, but who cares? It was pretty fun learning how to hold it right and shoot well, targeting the haystack only yards away. Failure followed along here and there, but I miraculously hit it right on the Arizona can on the first shot ever! I jumped up and down like a little girl haha. Our poor judgments resulted in missin gthe haystack and going into the neighbor's yard, hitting the nice, white fence, the ground, and even into the next house over! We stayed until 5:30PM when Joriz came back and we took her to work. Jaelynn, Alo, and I got the Farm and for once, I didn't feel too bad eating it! (Whadda fatty, right?) Driving around, I got to ride in a drift! woooot haha. Then, we chilled at Jeffrey's house for a while, but certain intentions there did not go according to plan. It'll work out, I jus tknow it. Photos are from my first win and Jae's first Farm! :D

I Ate My Life Away Today (Twice, Basically)

Ahh, this is the first time I have ever really celebrated MDW and it was pretty fun :) So at 6AM, I got my wake-up call from Alo saying that he'd pick me up soon. I got up and started to get ready. 2 minutes later, he texts me and says he's outside. In my mind I was like WTF haha.. but I got ready. I woke up mama to ask for money. She only gave me $20, but it sufficed. What she gave an unwanted amount of was parental "love". Right before I left she started freaking out, asking who was going whose driving what's going on - AFTER we discussed everything last night. I have recently determined that my mother is bi-polar because by the time time we were in the car and the rest of the day pulled through, she was calm and happy on the phone. Today was actually pretty fun. We played volleyball, went into the cold waters, the sun came out (40% T-storms my buttocks!), and we went on an adventure. Out adventure was kind of scary and gross. We wandered into the forest-hill area, secluded from the main grounds. In flip-flops and shorts, we made our ways up, up, up to the supposed top. There were Daddy Long Legs everywhere, mosquitoes, and questionable plants. Coming back down, we possibly ran into some Poison Ivy, but I'm not itching so all seems well. I honestly missed you today. There were various couples from prom last night, and I wish I had you at my waist, too. After a long day of fun and eating my life away, we left. Our car came back to Belleville and then went to Babo. It was chill, but nothing too exciting for the fact that we were all tired and ingesting anything more wasn't necessary. Photo's are from the course of today. :D Alo was Roland's Romeo, trying to wake him up by throwing things at his window. Roland slept the whole ride to and from the lake, like a rock. He sleeps with his eyes open. It's creepy so the shades stayed on! We found a mussel in the lake and cooked it, along with some snails. Joriz ate it! The forest of our dreams made me fearful of getting itchy.

Dorney Park, Haay!!

As the professional critic that I am, I rated today an 8 out of 10. We went to Dorney today for a majority of the whole music dept. I can't believe I almost woke up late! Actually, I woke up at 7:03AM and assumed I had a bit more time to get up, so I dreamt on. Yeah, I ended up not waking up until 7:36AM, freaking out a little. I got to school on time, all prepared in my shorts and top. On the way to Dorney, I sat with you and spent that time well. Alo and Joriz sat in front of us which made it a bit funner. Boy were we starving and eager to pee on that bus ride!! When we got to the competition location, I felt so bad for him because the place was basically a large Christian building. The performances were in the auditorium, made purposely for sermons and Sundays.He didn't feel comfortable and it seemed as if each new room got worse and worse. We got superior, but I think the judges were lame. If the Orchestra can get an excellent in rating, you know something is wrong! When we got to Dorney, the unestablished groups unofficially became established. Unfortunately, we did not go with the typically group including Ana, Roland, and Jaelynn, but we ended up just going with Alo and Joriz. I won't deny that it phased me a little to have been away from my close friends and those who I am always with, but change is happening and I should accept it as it comes. They will always be close to me in heart, but I don't exactly have these opportunities with him. I can't exactly spend any given whole day holding hands in public or with my arm around your waist and yours around my shoulders. Breaking from the group is just something that happened, though. I guess I'll understand that we don't have to always be together, even though I may feel guilty otherwise. So we spent our beautiful day with Alo and Joriz! First thing we did was GET SOME FOOD!! Goodness, we were starving like savages! We ended up getting the (of course) over-priced 16" pizza and (of course) $7.99 souvenir cup as our drink. After eating, the first thing we went in line for was the Thunder somethingsomething. It was a log ride, that got us just a bit wet. Then we went on the Congo Rapids, which got us DRENCHED. It was so hilarious! Dude, even now as I write this, I'm and still a bit damp, but just about dry. The sun wasn't exactly out to dry us off in a split second, but that's okay. We took a bunch of photos, which made me very happy. :) There were a lot of things I've always wanted to do with you and taking photobooth photos was one of them - which is now accomplished! I loved how the came out, too! Ahh, for all the rides we went on, I let my wierd self shine, glisten, and glow! I didn't find any of the rides too scary, but I still screamed at the top of my lungs - even when we weren't moving!!! :D It felt so good to openly be with you and not give a rat's ass about what other people see because it's not like I will see them tomorrow or again on another day in my life. Today was too good to let any arguments phase us, so I didn't let it. Man.. and last check-in was at 7:45PM and we were late. Legitimately, we believes we were okay and safe if Alo and Joriz went to check in for us while we went to get ice cream. Unfortunately that wasn't the case and we have detention every day next week. Wamp. Oh well, at least you made the effort to get us out of the predicament, and I love you for it. Today was amazing between me and you. I got to kiss you whenever I wanted, whereever I pleased! Phtos are from the photobooth and bus ride. I love you I love you I love you. I am definitely going to make the best of the rest of school and summer that we have together. I love you always ♥

Smashburgers!

We went on a double date with Alo and Joriz today. Instead of just me and him getting dropped off at stuffed cupcakes, we decided to go to SmashBurgers in Glen Ridge. the sign of it, i will agree with them, looks like a rip off of Game Stop. The food is pretty good there and the sandwiches are monster! The only bad part was the bacon strips inside. I wouldn't have minded it if it weren't for the fact that I had bacon and eggs every morning in Ohio. Everything feels really chill and relaxed when we hang out with, which is something I am so grateful of. It's a really great feeling being able to to hang out with other people as a couple, together. Yhen, Joriz had work at 4:30PM, so she got changed and then we went to Applegate Farm :D There, me and the love ordered a sundae which was very delicioso! Today was a good day, and we can just leave it at that. Photo is of cup from today :D

Mind Of A Shopaholic

Laid back and chill. So one thing that my mother and I have in common is a love of going to the mall. It isn't about giving away all of your greens and sliding the shit out of that plastic card. We simply find an enjoyment of being out and about among shops and restaurants. I for one also favor the idea of not being home! Today, my mother and I took the bus all the way to Willowbrook Mall. The fact that the fee was only $2.15 made me a very happy camper. Anyways, my mother and I got to the mall around 3PM and just went with the flow. There was no rush as if we were driven there and our ride had to leave. We weren't stressed as if there were a billion people around because it was early; everyone was at work and in school. I didn't buy much, but I feel like the greatest excitement was walking into that fitting room with a bunch of clothes. If you are anything like me, some of the clothes are things you are considering buying. others are clothes that you think look nice, but you probably won't buy it - at least not today. Now, the REST of the clothes are ones that made you giggle a little to yourself as you saw it hanging on the rack and you wondered to yourself, "People actually wear this?!" On the other hand, the greateat disappontment is putting clothes that you THOUGHT or HOPED would fit but it didn't even get passed half way on. My rant on shopping could go on for days, so I should cut this short. Photo is of chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory that my mother and I shared. I couldn't even finish after the two appetizers and bread we ate!

Define Pathetic

My life is so dependent. I am the saddest story of desperation and flaw. This whole day started off with baking two more batches of brownies , picking up from last night. Then I went to the bakesale at the hs for the play. i can't say it was fun, but something mediocre. I am the odd ball in this life that can't even converse for shits and giggles. I can say one thing to strike conversation, but then after that, I cant think of wat to say so I look away half the time. Im fairly jealous of you today. Youre finding a life better and though, i have found better too, its not everything. I would honestly be happy every second of the day if I was with him all the time, but Im not. And because I fucked our friendship over, i am absolutely nothing -ashes and dirt- without prupose. God help me because you are my last resort in this life. Photo is of the play.

"That's Totally The Wrong Hole, Man!"

How am I supposed to come terms with the fact that I just want you all to myself? More or less, the question is how do I deal? Today was pretty exciting for the most part, but as soon as it hit the point where I was sitting alone in front of the HS for 15 minutes , I was depressed. It was so great how the two of you bonded so well, it was pretty damned amazing.. but then it got to this point where live couldl've paused in a midst of a laugh and I could have been cropped out of the picture and it just wouldn't have made a difference. Sitting alone waiting for a ride made me tear up at the terrible thought : the day you may come to finally become bored of me and realize I'm not all that interesting. It makes me shit bricks.. I really odon't want to be proven right.. Photo 's of whatever I upload lol

Naive Teen

In person, today was amazing. It's like we never have jazz band! haha.. my heart lifts up upon hearing this because it just means another day I can spend with the love of my life. We hung out and finished the movie from Friday. Then, we walked to Wendy's for some fooood! Unfortunately after that, we had to part ways. From then on to about an hour ago, there was this weird vibe in our texts that made me feel like you didn't care. As it may seem, texts do what we truly mean no justice at all. I can't stand just texting you anymore. It's not enough. I need to be with you in person for every second of the day. I'm addicted. Photo's of amazing, heart-shaped rice crispies that Ana made!! :D They were delicious :)

And So They Line-Danced Their Way Through The Night

Tonight was good. Honestly, I didn't want to go to the Santo Ninio celebration. Past experiences with church parties led me to believe I would end up as the loner on her iPod tonight. So I brought it incase. As it turns out, I actually put myself out there and participated in the 2-hour Filipino mass tonight. I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but I sand along best I could. I couldn't laugh along, but I kept my spirits up and my back straight. After mass, we went to the CCD school building for the after party in the basement. I luckily found Kate there, and a couple others that I know. I hung out with her the whole time, though she was supposed to be working clean-up duty for the ngiht. We line danced until sweat was drippin'; down our faces haha. It was quite fun and I'm proud that my initial assumptions of tonight were wrong. Hey, I didn't even use my iPod. Gahh, and still something is wrong. Goodnight, since you wont text me. Photo's of dance presentation by little kids. cute.

Real Time

Today was good. I ended up going to Jersey [without lying! kind of.] to supposedly ice skate, but we didnt. On the way there, traffic was so bad that Laurence dared to get out of the car and run to Babo and get there before us. He actually did it ._. I stuck with Ana and Deejay and it was pretty fun just roaming around. After a while, it got tiring, but oh well. In JC there's such a small radius of places to walk to IN THE FREEZING COLD. We first hit Babo to gorge in their delicious belgian waffles and bubble teas ;D Then we hit the mall. We didn't even buy anything but we went from store to store just wandering. It makes me want to go to Garden State Plaza sooo bad! I really glad I got to spend real time with my friends because I haven't done that in a while, based on my fault. It's amazing what adventures you can experience being on the lightrail and pathtrains. Deejay had never been on a train before hahaha. Photo's of Laurence running back cus the should narrows haha.

Are We Even Celebrating At All?

Happy Christmas Eve, world. and I guess disregard that if you dont celebrate lol. Being able to wake up late without any worries is such a blessing. Today was my sister's birthday and we just totally celebrated low-key. Around noon, my mom and I sang to my sister as she stood over a tiny Carvel cake. We ate spaghetti;: very common in Filipino celebrations. [I think it's for good luck or something] Its so depressing how my family comes about celebrating the holidays. By 9PM I was sitting exactly where I am now as my dad shut his door, ready to head in for the night. My mom is at work and my brother's gone. My 21 year old sister did not even get piss drunk. This is typically how it is with any holiday -sigh- You get used to it...as much as you don't want to.

Monthary

I favor the idea of forgetting the events of earlier today during school. But story short, it involved uncalled for distance, feelings of being upset, and a shed of a couple tears on Rey's Eeyore plush. >.>

As for this afternoon, thing mended up. Even after period 12, my mind was still unsettled. I skipped the guard's ice cream party to be with you. That decision was a very easy one because I needed to know what was going on and hey, I'd rather be with you on any Friday, and especially this one in particular. I'm not such a sucker for dates, but as of today, we've been together for a month. =] It really had been an amazing month being able to spend every day with you, minus those dreaded weekends! Some days weren't the best, but it all molded together in the end into something better. Being able to lay with you somehow always makes my day 10x better, forgetting anything bad thats happened prior. I love you.

It's Only Been Three Days

One of the only downfalls of today was the craptastic rehearsal I had tonight. PJ came late and even with that, it felt even longer than usual. I will be honest and blame it on the fact that I didn't eat anything today. That fact is chained to the fact that we had a Pep Rally today. Band kids were excused during period 6 which was my lunch period. I personally decided not to go, and so I never got food. I expected to get food after school, but that failed. I hung out with him after school and chilled at his house. Even though it has only been three days, I've been loving every second of it. Its kind of crazy, hiding from the world, but at the same time not. It's like playing Mission Impossible! XD The past three days have been the best, and you are the biggest distraction in my head. :) Oh, I also misplaced my wallet today..so I'm kind of irritated about that. I can only hope that it's either in the band room, guard closet, or in my locker, if I remember correctly!

Helium Highs

-is brushing teeth-

Wow. I can't believe I finished my homework early!! I started around 8 for some reason..It might be because I have no life. just kidding.

For the world's information, I do have a life. I spent the day after practice at Wendy's with Ana! haha We ate our little value menu meals and sucked on the helium of a select few balloons. [the ones we could get off the backs of chairs anyway] Recorded, we sounded like completely different people. Along with helium, is our declaration of seats. We officially own one of the booths due to our markings on the table, by accident. We used sharpie on the balloons to draw faces, and it didn't like to dry. Therefore, what ever surface it came in contact with, the ink smudged on. By the time we left, we were responsible for various black splotches all over the table. OH. There's some girl there now, dressed as Wendy. She laughed at us while we sucked on helium and gave us little mints. She also provided us with our own balloons! :D

In school, I took over the board and recreated some of Natalie Dee's hilarious works!

Rain Rain in Passaic

Today was our very first football game against Passaic. Of course we lost, but that was not the highlight of my day. It rained yesterday, during the game. I would've been bad enough to perform pregame and just sit in the stands in the rain, but guard had to practice first and second quarter. Then we ate. Our flags were soaked and no one wanted to be there. Its such a shame that we couldn't even get anything done. We couldn't even get through the first number! It was above all, ridiculous. After eating, we returned back to practice for the rest of the game. Egh.

After football games is always better. We all walked to Wendy's where we usually chill after games. We stayed about a couple of hours and it was pretty fun. A few messes were made, and everyone was arm-wrestling Jonathan. haha.. I ate from Fetus's frosty as well as Roland's. I'm such a fatty haha.

Practice In The Cold And Rain

Day three, and the day still seems to drag! I bet it's my schedule. I'm in a mood of anticipation, waiting to receive that yellow slip during first period, allowing me to go to guidance. The past two mornings have disappointed me, as I receive nothing. After school, begins my favorite part of the day. Chilling in the band room waiting for practice to start and just being with everyone. We constantly laugh and this is the part of the day that keeps me smiling! band nerd fo life. yeah whatever. hhahaha that term is so corny.. "band nerd" wooooahaahhhh..wooo.

I came home tonight after practicing in the dark, cold, rainy weather until 8. [It was freezign cold tonight and I was outside in shorts and a shirt! I wanted a sweater T.T] I felt like a scavenger searching for food. I was so hungry! I've only thought about it now, but that was just about the only meal I had today. I didn't have breakfast really, I have ziti for lunch (just enough), and then came my actual dinner of Pansit. :D I lvoe how my Lola cooks.. its deliciouss!!

Oh, How I Crave

Today was decent. After practice, Audrey, Ana , and I went to Wendy's to fill up our stomachs. Today, Aud got her braces removed and I think it's so different seeing her without them! I kind of miss them, to be honest! I'm happy for her though. I've never had the experience or pain of wearing braces, but I've heard so many times that once you get them off, it's like a miracle and you keep licking your teeth! After Wendy's we headed back to the courts. I reallyu don't know how I made it because my legs had done their walking for the day. There, we met up with the Sax section, who were journeying to Coldstone's as a reward for best section. I would have loved guard to win that reward, but we are far from top status. Oh, how I crave a Like It Birthday Cake Remix!! -dies- I'm always up for some good old Coldstone's! I never really tried their shakes, but I've fallen in love with those as well! SO GOOD!

Back at Ana's, we died Marison's hair, but it wasn't the greatest result. For some reason the bleach product wasn't working fast enough and even after the hour we waited, the color still wasn't blonde enough. We dealt with it and continued on. I had to leave half was through, but from what I heard, the purple was dark. Marison wasn't sad, and that was something that made me happy. I didn't want to feel a blame for an accident that just didn't work out. We did the best we could.