Dorney Park, Haay!!

As the professional critic that I am, I rated today an 8 out of 10. We went to Dorney today for a majority of the whole music dept. I can't believe I almost woke up late! Actually, I woke up at 7:03AM and assumed I had a bit more time to get up, so I dreamt on. Yeah, I ended up not waking up until 7:36AM, freaking out a little. I got to school on time, all prepared in my shorts and top. On the way to Dorney, I sat with you and spent that time well. Alo and Joriz sat in front of us which made it a bit funner. Boy were we starving and eager to pee on that bus ride!! When we got to the competition location, I felt so bad for him because the place was basically a large Christian building. The performances were in the auditorium, made purposely for sermons and Sundays.He didn't feel comfortable and it seemed as if each new room got worse and worse. We got superior, but I think the judges were lame. If the Orchestra can get an excellent in rating, you know something is wrong! When we got to Dorney, the unestablished groups unofficially became established. Unfortunately, we did not go with the typically group including Ana, Roland, and Jaelynn, but we ended up just going with Alo and Joriz. I won't deny that it phased me a little to have been away from my close friends and those who I am always with, but change is happening and I should accept it as it comes. They will always be close to me in heart, but I don't exactly have these opportunities with him. I can't exactly spend any given whole day holding hands in public or with my arm around your waist and yours around my shoulders. Breaking from the group is just something that happened, though. I guess I'll understand that we don't have to always be together, even though I may feel guilty otherwise. So we spent our beautiful day with Alo and Joriz! First thing we did was GET SOME FOOD!! Goodness, we were starving like savages! We ended up getting the (of course) over-priced 16" pizza and (of course) $7.99 souvenir cup as our drink. After eating, the first thing we went in line for was the Thunder somethingsomething. It was a log ride, that got us just a bit wet. Then we went on the Congo Rapids, which got us DRENCHED. It was so hilarious! Dude, even now as I write this, I'm and still a bit damp, but just about dry. The sun wasn't exactly out to dry us off in a split second, but that's okay. We took a bunch of photos, which made me very happy. :) There were a lot of things I've always wanted to do with you and taking photobooth photos was one of them - which is now accomplished! I loved how the came out, too! Ahh, for all the rides we went on, I let my wierd self shine, glisten, and glow! I didn't find any of the rides too scary, but I still screamed at the top of my lungs - even when we weren't moving!!! :D It felt so good to openly be with you and not give a rat's ass about what other people see because it's not like I will see them tomorrow or again on another day in my life. Today was too good to let any arguments phase us, so I didn't let it. Man.. and last check-in was at 7:45PM and we were late. Legitimately, we believes we were okay and safe if Alo and Joriz went to check in for us while we went to get ice cream. Unfortunately that wasn't the case and we have detention every day next week. Wamp. Oh well, at least you made the effort to get us out of the predicament, and I love you for it. Today was amazing between me and you. I got to kiss you whenever I wanted, whereever I pleased! Phtos are from the photobooth and bus ride. I love you I love you I love you. I am definitely going to make the best of the rest of school and summer that we have together. I love you always ♥

Officially Missing You

It makes me sad that you weren't here today. I wanted to kiss you so bad this morning after all of yesterday. After not getting that morning text back from you and finding out you weren't in first period from Shalier, I suddenly felt like my day was over. All of the energy I mustered up in the morning for school was gone because usually I save it for you. When I walked into French, period 2, I became so tired and rested my head on my books basically the whole period. I missed you and sometimes the only way to cope is to close my eyes and dream. Anyways, I got through the day somehow, and had nothing to do after wards. Mrs. B wasn't there, so the Mr. Furia was closing up the bandroom. Ana was sick, Jaelynn probably went home, you weren't here, so I went home. The weather was so beautiful today. I really enjoyed walking to the bus stop and home. The breeze was just right with the perfect amount of warmth on my skin. It's nice to come home early once in a while and just enjoy the afternoon itself. Photo is of me fresh outta the shower :D From my Tumblr post, of course.

Hot Kisses

Its so hard to get through a school day without you. You came down with a terrible fever the other day and today, I just texted you all throughout school. I couldn't help but wish how I could be there with you and help comfort you. After school, I took up the opportunity to walk over a few blocks to visit and see how you were doing. My decision to do so was made in a heartbeat because it would make up for the 8 hours I have somehow survived without you. I layed down with you and we watched tv, as I felt your hot skin against mine. Honestly, I didn't care if you were sick. I told you that I would always risk getting sick just to be with you; your kisses were just hotter, which was a bit cute. Sick, ut cute. To hug you and jusy lay there watching Cartoon Network was the biggest highlight of my day. Any time I spend with you is the highlight of my day. >> Look how miserable he looks lol

Royalty Stands In A Corner of the Living Room

We've hit 2 months today. Looking back on it months from now, I will remember it as the day you fell pretty damned sick and it rained. Mother nature and god have been plotting against us and not giving us the conditions we crave for a perfect day. Hrmm.. I don't like using the description as "perfect" because every moment I spend with you is perfect. Hrmm.. I went shopping around for ornaments and ribbon with my sister tonight. We finally got the purple accents to complete out purple and gold color scheme. This is by far the mmost beautiful a tree has stoof in our household. It's gorgeous

First Time In a Good While Really Just Means A Week

-tries to breathe through nose- ..soooo..I'm freaking congested as fack >.> I'm not even sick, which make the idea of it odd. Maybe I'm on the verge of getting sick; who knows?

Today was a really good day :D Full band period two right before Wind Ensemble was like a blessing lol. Hrmm.. but I think most credit goes to the 4-5 minutes inbetween. As soon as certain people left, some kisses filled in the gaps. My smile grew brighter and brighter with each one. A hug from behind, a slap to the face, hitting with the vibraphone mallets- we are so violent. >.> I wouldn't be surprised if bruises start forming after a while; maybe even right now lol. Also, after school was the first time in a good while that we got to spend time alone together. Just sitting in the staircase, escaping all the chaos of the band room; it feels so nice especially because I am with you. Oh how I wish it were Friday right now.

Puff-Puff, I Still Can't Breathe

August 22nd, 2009

I remember this day well. I was so busy dying for air I can't forget it.

Hi, I'm Stefanellie, and I have asthma. It hasn't acted up too badly, until this weekend. Yesterday's crack of my voice kind of hinted the events of that day, but I never knew what to expect. The previous night, I had trouble breathing while I slept. I had assumed it was just a spur of the moment thing, so I didn't care. Morning swang around and things weren't any better. I generalized that I had simply got sick from hot days at practice. I had a constant cough producing flegm, so what else can I really think? Saturday was my father's company picnic. He kind of forced me to come with him being that there was no one else available from our family to come.I took a while to get my stuff together and finally leave the house, but we were soon on our way. We stopped by Dunkin Donuts and went to my dad's job first. He had to take care of some things and so I was led to his office to chill around. I walked in with the medium regular hot coffee in my hand and looked around. To see photos of my family all around made me smile.

At this point, the waiting game began. I sat in his comfy chair and swung around out of boredom. Another lady came in who was also waiting for the picnic. i think she was an employee's wife. She was freaking weird.. she offered me a granola bar..and tried to start conversation. Her japanese accent was heavy and I just nodded at everything she said with the occational "okay". I fiddled around my fathers desk and left him a stick note message.. and continued spining in the chair. I soon realized I couldn't breathe. I was taking quick breaths of in-out-in-out, as if I was gasping for air. Confused, i tried to slow my breathing down to a normal rate, but I was only suffocating myself. Finally we left and we were on our way to the picnic grounds. I confessed to my father that I had trouble breathing so we had to pass by an A&P to get some Cepecol losenges. They didn't work. By the time we got to the grounds, i refused to leave the car. The whole time I stayed in and tried to gather myself. For a while, I couldn't figure how to turn the air on. I did get it blowing but there was no temperature difference. I began to sweat and I still couldn't breathe.

To be honest, I was beginning to get scared. I looked up the symptoms of an asthma attack and it was all fitting: "short breathes, weakness, inability to do normal processes, blue fingernails or lips" So great. I was having a slight asthma attack. I tried to sleep and reclined the chair. I fell asleep for a while, but woke up to a knocking at the window. A brother and sister came with a wheeler and crate to retrieve the watermelons from my van. I awoke so suddenly, realizing that I was sweating like there was no tomorrow and it didn't feel nice. I walked back to the grounds where they were and the walk seemed unbearable. I asked my dad about the air, and he told me I had to turn the entire car and engine on. >.> Yeah, didn't know. sh. Walking back, the sun beating down on me made my feel weaker and the distance felt doubled. Eventually I got the air running cool and my fever wasn't hiking up. Although, as soon as I stepped out to use the bathroom, the walk back got me dying again. I felt like I couldn't walk the entire distance which wasn't even too far. My legs were ready to give out and just lay there. I also came back to the picnic with my saber to practice and it wasn't working. I couldn't keep focus and it all failed. My dad's friends tried to talk to me about guitar and I couldn't even focus on him. I stayed in the car for the rest of the day.

FINALLY, we left around 5PM and I still couldn't breath well. I used my inhaler, but it wasn't the best of help. My breaths were still short. On the drive back my dad was falling asleep and I almost thought we wouldn't make it alive. He was throwing water in himself to stay awake and whatnot. Back home, I got out of the car and I couldn't walk at all! In order to go on, I was at a turtles pace, trying to keep my breaths together. I barely made it up the stairs. As soon as I did, I crashed on the couch and tried to breathe.

I think I almost began to cry. It was terrible.

I ended up in my parents room trying to breathe and sleep for the rest of the night. My father went out and purchased medicines for my fever and coughing.

That day was everything to not expect.

Dreading That Key

This is the earliest post yet, but my wake up call this morning was not the same. On a typical day, I would wake up around 8:30 AM to the cheerful, persisting voice of my mother calling out to our pets. Thats one of the downsides of sleeping in the living room; you hear everything. Whether you are awake or not, you are part of the life that flows through a tiny apartment. On a typical morning, the phone likes to ring A LOT. Sometimes we don't bother to answer, but my sister picked up the phone out of failure to ignore it.
The phone ringing let alone annoyed me. Then, was the sound of confusion in my sisters voice trying to understand the language on the other line. It was my mothers relatives in the Philippines. Half conscious, I detect a shocked, and indescribable "OH." My heart suddenly dropped. My mind began to race as I waited for my sister to put down the phone. I immediately came to full consciousness, forgetting about the glories of sleep.

My grandfather, my LoLo Pol, had just passed away earlier this morning.

We got the call at 6:10 AM. The biggest thing about this is that my mother has not yet arrived home from her night shift at the hospital. In hopes to understand what to do, I hopped into the shower as my sister packed her things for the day, as she already had plans to go to the beach. She was not sure whether to go or not, but it was decided.

I'm sitting here, in the living room, dreading the hear that key shove its rough metal self into the door lock, allowing my mother to enter.

I sit here in a towel and robe, dreading it. I am the one who has to tell her about it. I wasn't sure, nor have I ever thought about carrying the title "The Bearer of Bad News". For a good while I pondered about how am I going to take care of this? Do I give her the number they left to call back? Or should I tell her first, only see her drop her pink bookbag that she carries her work supplies in; only to see her eyes once again swell up with a redness that I have seen in 2001; only to see her heart drop as mine did earlier; only to see her take in the final death that verifies that both her parents are deceased?

I wasn't very close with my Lolo, but I have visited the Philippines a few times well enough to know that I care for him. My greatest sympathies go out to him as mourning his death will be something to edure. But what hit me the most, emotionally, was the fact that I would have to watch my mother mourn once again, the passing of her parent.

I HATE seeing my mother cry. I absolutely hate it for a few reasons. First of all, no one wants to see their parents cry. We see them as strong people who always hold ground for the family. This expresses the characteristic of vulnerability that every single human being shares. Secondly, I despise the site because sometimes I am the reason for those tears. If not, I am part of the reasons - no, I am, whole, one separate reason as to why there is so much stress in her life.

I admit to myself and to you, and I have been a very difficult child to have raised. Chores never done, attitude thrown around. I regret it all. Its all been like a cake; problems layers on top of another and another. There is icing inbetween that represents the good times we shared inbetween, but I soon enough would see the shadows of another layer coming from overhead.

In bed, I prayed to god. I prayed for his loss, but moreover I prayed to Him for strength. Just so you know, this isn't some holy faith blog, if you are reading this right now. I prayed to himm, begging to give my mother strength; she needs all the strength she can find to get through this.

I know I might not know you, but can you please just take a second to pray for them both: his loss and for her strength.

I'm not the type to be asking out for your prayers, but for the past half hour that I've been typing this, I'm still finding some strength to actually tell her.

There is no picture for this post.