I'm Continuing to Pray For Better

I thought today was good to start off, but reality more or less punched me in the face after church. It's the reality I never wanted to be true. It should have just stayed in the back of my mind as a worry. It's really disappointing when one promises to not do something for someone else or their self. How is it, when all this time I thought I was doing okay by steering away from the chances, that I end up finding out I drove right into it?

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From: Jacob

I Felt that I actually lost you :(

Jun 27, 12:31pm

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From: Jacob

Lately whenever we talk its horrible. Its gotten to the point that I'd rather go through the day alone cuz if we talk we only argue

Jun 27, 12:36pm

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From Jacob

I'm ashamed in myself because the loving care I had for you is gone. I'm sorry

Jun 27, 12:42 pm

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What the hell have I done? We had something relative to perfection and all I did was take everything for granted. Back around December, you told me that was the one thing not to do: take you for granted. I thought that as long as we can get through these problems, everything would be okay in the end- no matter how major or minor an argument was. In reality, things piled up and I've burnt your care out. This is not where my care and determination ends, though. I'm going to fix my mistakes one way or another and I'm figuring that "starting over" will do. I remember after one of the hundreds of arguments we had one time, I promised that every night I would pray to God that me and you will get through it all and that "one day we'll have it all." I still pray and I still believe it. I'm going to get us through this. I promise.

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From: Jacob

Obviously. But the I care about our future more than any fight cuz that's what we promised in the beginning

Jun 27, 8:57pm

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Photo is of a Tumblr post. Recently I've been staying in this room, in my natural state: lethargic and uninspired.

Ping-Pong Redemption & New BIkes

Tonight I went to Roland's for his graduation party and I must say that it went very, very well. Previous awkward scenarios had me go straight for a regular hang-out. Once I got out of the car, everything was actually pretty good. I chatted it up with good friends, even though it was only a couple, and I made the best of tonight. We had some good food, sat in a little circle under a tent while it drizzled inconsistently, and talked about anything and everything. I really engaged myself and it was rare that I felt like the oddball out. Ah! We also pulled out the ping-pong table and I definitely redeemed myself! It was pretty humiliating when I played at Aud's with Roland last week because I just flat out sucked! Oh, but tonight, I was pretty proud of what I was doing with that paddle ;D For a majority of the time I converse with Olga and Ariel, two of the chillest people in the world. Eh, my scab kinda opened up and started bleeding because I itched it and Olga freaked out. That was a little embarrassing. Me and Olga make a pretty good team because when we play, wall counts as in. [along with chairs, floor, tent, etc.] As it got darker, we all ended up going inside. I needed to get some shelter because I was getting eaten alive! Kristine and Kate came back with a movie called It's Alive. Something to do with mutant fetuses being born and killing everyone around and eating people and animals, this movie GOT TO ME. Typically, I watch horror movies with friends and comment on it the whole time, laughing. The texting couch, Olga, Aud, me, and Ariel commented the whole time, but we fell weak to our disgust. Ariel sore to be a puncher during scary movies, yet I was the first to punch his leg out of fear! Unfortunately, I had to leave earlier, much before the movie ended. [and at a good part, too!!!!] And so, here I am, satisfied with my afternoon. Photo is of ping-pong, as it got darker and darker. My camera's flash is terrible, as all you can really see is Arie'ls white polo standing out.

I Slept With My Sister Again - Does That Sound Dirty?

I woke up to the aching of my legs this morning. The entire day, I could not walk comfortably or in a straight line at least once. I'm not giving in to any weaknesses nor am I whining - I'm just saying. Anyways, I've continued my streak of waking up any time around noon and had breakfast. At first, I was offered a "Filipino Breakfast" which included some gulay with chicken. I had a little, since my Lola made it and I didn't want to be too disrespectful, but I eventually had a bowl of Smacks. As the day goes on, I went with the sister and her boyfriend, driving around. We went to Urban Outfitters and I, as excited as I was for the sale, left empty handed. Unfortunately, I was only working with 30 bucks and my main goal was to get a nice pair of sandals. I wanted to visit Roland today at work, but we never got to. It's the first day of summer and I didn't do much. Tomorrow calls for a party, so here we go. Photo is of what I've looked like for the past two days: lying on the bed on my sister's computer.

"I Can't Believe I Did It"

The first lap was a warm up. We walked through the shortcut just to get a taste of it. Second lap, we hopped right into a jog around the entire circular route of Branch Brook Park. Goodness, those swerves and turns seemed never ending. Past the half way point, I began to think to much. I wanted to stop, out of free will, at some points. The pain in my sides were very subtle and never any different as it were minutes before. I constantly reminded myself, "If it hurts the same as it did when we first started, then what's the point of stopping now?" This morning finally taught me a better example of Nike's motto, "Just Do It" Sometimes, I thought too hard, but it was pointless. I was only holding myself back. Before weaknesses could get the best of me, I was back at our starting point of my sister's boyfriend's car. I even pushed myself to do a little circle around the car before stopping - I was so proud of myself. I got through the entire route without stopping. When I stopped though, my legs almost collapsed in. Finally, I took a warm-down walk around the shortcut with the sister. We actually had good conversation this morning, discussing school and other matters. I came home, took a shower and had breakfast. For the rest of the day, I found myself in a car with my brother driving to Philly for business matters. Bored and unwilling to stay at home with creepy crawlers, I tagged along. It was fun for a good portion, finding ourselves in settings from I Am Legend. Cons solely involved getting lost and my brother;s GPS being of no help at all, with such a lag. Today was good and I'm proud of what I did this morning. Now to do it again tomorrow - maybe. Photo is of a familiar setting which was also nearby the part of the movie where Sam runs into the dark building.

Of All Days

I really need to stop eating my days away. I need to be more active. Even though I slept in until 1PM, I still ended up eating more than necessary. All that food kind of led me into a little depression, which I tried to sleep off in a way. I never was able to get back to sleep. Trying to sleep actually gave me a headache, so I left the room. As the night progresses or comes to an end right now, I am sad. I felt like the only thing that would let my day end well would be a nice cold, iced coffee. My sister went out about half an hour ago to get it, and she just came back - empty. Apparently Dunking Donuts "ran out". OF ALL DAYS?! Photo is of a chicken wrap from costco, part of today's "diet". Ugh, nasty shet.

I Feel Like A Child Again

I really wish you could have come over today, but every reason is understood. My reason to even consider going to school this morning was gone, as you IMed me early this morning, as promised, saying that you weren't going. Therefore, I slept in until noon. When I woke up, it was only on forced reasons. I find it rude to be woken up because the person, in this case my mother, was begging me to eat. Hey, it great and thank you for the offer of beefsteak that lola made, but I'm sleeping. There is no need to wake me up now. I will find out when I do wake up. I took a shower and ate a while after, anyways. If it wasn't for other events that I may get invited to in the day, I would literally be home on the computer, stuffing my face with all the junk food available. Tonight I took the opportunity to go to Niel's birthday party/celebration. It was good for the most part. I just need to get used to being around the people who were always around, but I pushed away from this year. I plan on progressing in this direction. I don't regret going tonight at all, as awkward as I sometimes may have been. Roland kept saying "You're so awkward now," and I continued to question him on it. I sat next to Jeff and Roland during the movie. Boy, did I love Toy Story 3! The intro animation was so cute! "Day&Night" is what it was called. It honestly made me feel like a kid again. Jeff commented so loud on the movie a lot, but I kind of ignored it after a while. RIGHT when the movie was getting good, the screen goes blank! It resorts back to the previews and the exit signs began to flash a white light. Apparently, there was a fire. I thought it was so cool being able to go through the side exits behind the movie screen! I've always wanted to do so! Later, we found out that someone pulled it on their own. Jerk. Overall, tonight was great- something different from what I have been up to in my regular social life. Photo is of Roland and a random Hello Kitty plush that Ken brought.

MyDayWith Jacob

So I look back on today, and it went beyond well. This morning, I had no intentions of going to school other than picking up the boyprend. Fears of cutting school have completely left my mind, as I woke up in Summer mode- the mode I've been in since the last day of finals. I woke up and got dressed. [AND MET UP WITH THIS REEEEAL SEXY GUY NAMED JACOB. hahaha today me and stefanellie over dur hung out and made pancakes.. it was awesome we really got creative when it came to makin pancakes lol. but unfortunately our day had to end :l.. we tried to fix her ps3 but its crapped out cuz sony sucks mofo!!... but forreal i just helped stef one day closer too 365 posts :] keep on going almost theeeeere!!] I took the school bus and met up with him. From there, we walked out the farthest exit in the math wing and made our way to the bus stop. The walk was pretty damned warm, I'll give it that! We came home, and I took my very much needed shower. For a while we watched TV, tried to fix the PS3 and then we eventually made pancakes. Though they may have not been IHOP style, they were the best pancakes I've ever made in my life with the best person, too. We got full pretty fast. I still can't believe that spent the whole day together- cheesy as it may sound, it was like a dream come true. I've always wanted to spend a morning with him. It's almost like waking up with your significant other on a Saturday morning and just feeling that sense of complete happiness and satisfaction in every aspect of your life. I love having that feeling with you and it makes me eager for the day I can finally wake up and have you by my side. Photo is of our amazing pancakes :)