Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why Can't I Wake Up?

Oh god how I wish this afternoon hadn't happened. It was one of those nightmares where one of the worst scenarios takes place,but then you wake up and everything is okay. Unfortunately, I didn't wake up and everything wasnt okay. In fact i couldnt even close my eyes and dream any of it away. I was too busy fighting hypothermia. Today was a half-day and we got out of school due to the inclimate weather. I've always loved snow, but after today my feelings for it have decreased. So like any typical afternoon, I snuck over his house to chill. The maid was still home so I snuck through the side door. Based on all the snow while walking, he took off his pants because they were wet. I personally didn't mind or care but it would play against us soon enough. I can't change cus i dont have other pants. We didn't even do anything..we chilled on the couch with the laptop and watched TV. Then a shadow passed by the window and its his mom. Panic floods all over and i run to the near closet. I shouldve closed that door all the way. I shouldve ran to the dark corner and crouched in a ball to blend in with the darkness. Not thinking straight, i left a crack in the door open. I didnt think she would come down. Long behold, I hear footsteps coming down. I breathed a little thinking it was safe. Then, i hear a second voice and its not his alone. Suspicion is like a pot of water beginning to reach boiling point. I wanted to close the dor shut, I wanted to run into the corner. Failure tells me its already too late. If I move, I draw Attention to myself via sound. I clutch onto the remote and phone and take a breath. The door opens and my heart drops below the ground. We share a glance and she steps back, dumbfounded. Scolding in spanish needed no translation. She assumes I was snuck in and he's not wearing pants and the wrong idea is put together. We still file out a lie. I am just a friend. I am hiding because i am afriad to be seen since Im the only girl around. He still tries to convince her about the pants which is true. God, she told me not to be scared, but the feeling is inevitable! Especially from a situation like that from my POV. We eventually come kind of grounds and she goes upstairs. We sit back down on the couch, but I am like a mindless dog- staring at nothing. He told me to relax, that shes chill. I shake my head in disagreement. She makes plaintains and ribs which we feast on. i wouldve been more polite directly complimenting her on her cooking, but I was unable. He told me to go home. The suspicion was way too high. I just wanted to end this nightmare and left. His mom suggested to wait here for my ride, but I didn't want to be in this dream anymore. I thanked her for the food and declined the offer- I'm taking the bus. I made my way out and the snow fell moderately. Half-way up the block, I was already covered in snow. My mind was just as blank as it had been an hour ago. The cold was getting to me and I wanted to wake up. At every crosswalk there was a huge puddle I couldn't avoid. Half-way up the block, I was shivering and my feet were soaked and wet. That made it worse. My feet were going numb and I had a long way to go. Every now and then, I had to brush off the snow accumilating on my entire body. Frequently, my eyes shifted to every white lawn of untouched snow. My feet were cold and my mind was tired. I wanted to drop over to the side and literally fal asleep and close my eyes, letting the snow overtake my whole body..falling asleep into a better dream and out of this nightmare. But I couldn't. I had to get home and live up to the lie I told my mother. I pushed my body and numb, slippery feet until I got to the bus stop. I eventually made it. Waiting, I pulled out a wet dollar and 35 cents. I almosy wanted to cry in disbelief, but I was still mindless. The bus came and I took it to Claara Maass. The ride gave me a couple minutes to warm back up, but I would soon have to face the weather again. When I got off the bus, the wet, cold sensation in my feet came rushing back, but not in complete surprise. Just at the end of my block, I felt like falling over again, forgetting about the world. I made it home though. It was only 3:00PM, earliest I've ever been. It was a half-day too! I came home to find both of my siblings home. I couldve been picked up to avoid the snow, but still didn't regret the death journey. Call me stupid and ridiculous, but I like walking If I'm emotional. Maybe the snow was just more specific of how bad of a day I was trying to walk off. The emotions slightly died down by the end of the day, but it doesn't change fact of how it happened. I never woke up from the dream. I will stick to my words and quote my self. "No relationship is perfect. The beauty of a relationship is getting through anything and everything together." Through shitty times and amazing days, I wouldn't want to go through them with anyone else other than you. Photo to be uploaded is of my disgusting feet after the walk.