I've Eaten Way Too Much Today & Ran From A Storm

Everyone aspires to be the individual- to be the person who can stand on their own. I have become an individual, and I have never felt so alone in my life. This isn't a pity post about how lonely I am in my life and how I wish I had my old life back. This is about the human realization that being "an individual" isn't all it's hyped up to be. It's the dream to always have someone by your side, when you're up, down, piss-drunk, high, etc.

Today was annoying mixed with a side of stress, while I honestly thought I was going to get that physical vacation I've been begging for. My mind has checked out so long ago that my body needs to catch up. We went to the beach today. Last night was so hectic figuring out whether we should go to 6 Flags or the beach, and we decided the beach. Then, this morning while I was getting ready, my sister calls me and asks if I still want to go. That is where the irritation began. I was frustrated in fact that the decision was made and here we were last minute, questioning it. Can we please stick to one plan? The day could not go without my mother complaining and whining about what should've, could've, and wasn't done. We forgot to bring coins for tolls and parking. We forgot to bring a blanket. She would not hop off either problem. Aside from that, today was fun. Riding the waves, learning how to tread water, boobs popping out, seeing fatter versions of Taylor Lautner... today was good. It didn't live up to the potential vacation my mind had set, but what ever does right?

When we got back from the shore, I quickly came home to shower and change. I met up with friends at Red Robin's for Deejay's birthday dinner. It was chill, but this is where I felt the difference of being an individual. I felt like I was fending for myself, trying to keep myself out there. It's been a while since I was able to chill with people, feeling 100% comfortable with them and not afraid to open my mouth. Times have changed and here I am. I caused too many awkward moments tonight because I'm kind of out of the loop. I want to be the kind, chill person I know I can be, but I'm afraid that when I say things I'm too comfortable with, I sound like a jerk because these aren't the right people to say it to. As an end result, I don't say anything at all. What's wrong with me? Photo is of a crane machine at Point Pleasant that reminded me of Jacob. He really wanted one, but I didn't do it xD VUVUZELAAAS!

My Biffle Is Home And I PWND

Of course, there is this wild excitement in the fact that a best friend of mine is back in town. There are people in my life, in my heart, who will always hold a superior importance. Unfortunately, they are not always physically around. I am so grateful for the people who keep my heart and mind together and still are around, but it was like laying a bluer hue on my skies when I finally saw Jon for the first time today while we sought for each other on the phone. We were lost on streets not too far away from each other and he was mistaking another for me with a "Is that you in red?!" When I finally saw him at the corner, he came running and my arms were outstretched, begging for a tight, reuniting hug. I couldn't comprehend in my mind, that this guy was really here. We took our walk around and caught up on life - even though we've been talking the whole time online. We took pictures and sat on the turf , chilling out. Then we walked what seemed like miles in the heat. We tried to walk to Chan's house, but she wasn't home. Then, we went to Walgreens. We walked around more, only to find ourselves back at Walgreens. My new sandals from last night were too tight and I was beginning to blister as my feet are now. So, we bought $2.99 flip flops! Gah, what a relief to my feet! Later, we made our way to Kendrick's for the BBQ. At first, based on what I was told about it, I thought there would be drinking and whatnot. I already had my mind mentally set on how I would handle that situation. As it turns out, I spend the afternoon with some great people, some new and some old. My awkwardness wasn't too bad because frankly, Jon was there, too. He and I were both kind of new to hanging out with everyone, so even if I did feel awkward, there was still him I could talk to. The night went to well, socially and in general. At one point in the afternoon, I played COD for the first time in my life. AND I PWND. Haha just kidding. I felt so proud of myself for killing Byron and Chris a few times. I wanted to tell Jacob about my accomplishments so bad at the time. At another we didn't know what to do, so we walked together towards Nutley to just watch the fireworks. We ended up seeing various displays in the sky around us at the same time. In the Burger King parking lot, we stood to watch the rest of the NHS show. When we walked back, time was trailing around to the point where we had to leave soon. Basically everyone else was sleeping over, but I knew well enough that I couldn't. Plus, I was more concerned on getting home and talking to a certain someone. He definitely wasn't up to par based on the texts we shared. Well, here I am home. But overall, today was amazing. Photos are of Danny and Byron's gel'd up heads! Also, a fireworks pic from my phone. Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Forgive And Forget? Life Is Good

Today has gone well, that is the greatest thing I can say. Though I have not spoken or talked to you ever since yesterday afternoon, I pushed it aside for today. At Deejay's house we had a lot of fun just chilling out and swimming in the pool. Goodness, the burgers there were delicious!! There is the ideal of forgiving and forgetting about something that works out. When you arrived, I was so shocked to get a kiss. I honestly thought you were going to say your greeting and sit right down as we watched TV. Yesterday didn't even get mentioned until we were alone as we tried to get the basement bathroom light to work. We hugged and you questioned how my heart was. I answered honestly with a "Better". It is true that my heart is always better when I'm with you, without a doubt. I asked you the same question in return, receiving the same answer. Then, you proceeded to mention, "Let's just forget about yesterday, okay?" No questions asked, I agreed. The afternoon was going good the way it was, so why would we alter that? I have finally come to realize that the Forgive&Forget method can be good sometimes. I'm the person who hates ignoring problems, so I always tackle them head-on. Then again, it saves less trouble by just moving on. Photo is of Jae and Deejay playing with the little kids. They were cute :D

I Never Knew Days Could Be Themed

So, from the minute my eyes opened up this morning, things did not go according to plan. First and foremost, I woke up late at around 7:42AM, too late to catch the bus. Being that these half-days are a waste of time anyway, I didn't even bother to try to get to the hs. There was, of course, only one person who gave me reason to go. My plan was to take the bus before noon to meet up with him or it would be that he would take the bus over here. As the theme of today goes, that did not go accordingly. As I texted him through other peoples' phones, it turns out that the risks are too great to hang out today. Instead of whining and sulking about the let-down as usual, I held myself still, and just suggested for better. It worked well. I requested a phone call or webcamming later own to make up for it. I was, in that point, happy. Today's theme had yet to fade. Later on in the day, we were on AIM and his brother had to use . I really didn't mind at all, as I continued to watch the the movie 500 Days of Summer. I loved it!! :) Then, he came back, apologizing for the inconvenience. I tried to assure him that it was okay, but then he directly assumed that I seemed mad. Maybe it's my fault for causing so many problems between us, which has then led to you being so used to a mad me. With this sudden accusation shoved in my face, I was confused - in no bad way at all! Then, I tried to reassure that no, I'm not mad, along with questions of how I even seemed mad. Hey, I was confused so I asked. Being mistaken for speaking in a rude, freaking-out way, I got a "jeez chill out". Oh and then I got a "Please just stop talking" and "effin relax" and "babe leave me alone". The entire time I was just confused and in a content mood, happy to be talking to you, hoping to get out of this rut. All I did was ask how I seemed mad, when I really wasn't - and then you freaked out on me. As I was then, I am now. I'm not going to be the one apologizing this time. I would really like to talk to you again soon, but it's not my move to make right now. Photo is of a sharpie thing I tried to do to. wamp lol.

I Spilled Soy Souce On Myself Today.

So apparently I seemed off tonight? It may have been that I've been studying for tomorrow's finals while IMing you; it may have been your 4-minute interval replies in the beginning. The day has just been busy, but the afternoon was good. We may not have perfect days, but as long and we aren't arguing at the end of the day, I'm happy. For this past weekend, we have actually avoided such things from happening. I like it.

Exams today went pretty well. I only had one exam today: Algebra 2. It's pretty unfortunate to say that I haven't been paying attention all year because I've been texting in the back for a majority of the time. Luckily, I did post of the review packet which got me through most of the exam. After that, my usual schedule takes me to another study and then lunch. Today, I could have easily left and gone home, but that would have been silly. I'm here for my friends who are around and I'm staying until they get out xD After school, Jacob and I decided to come back to my place to chill. The plan seemed well, but better options came in the way. Alo and Joriz picked us up from the bus stop where we were supposedly waiting to get back to my place. Instead, I went home, got changed, and then we went out to get something to eat. We ended up going to the Chinese buffet next to Hooters, and it was decent for the $11.99 per head lunch charge. We haven't hung out with them recently and it was pretty nice getting to chill again. Then, we split up as they went to Petco and we roamed Guitar Center :) It wasn't until this day that I walked into the guitar barn in the back of the store filled with guitar godliness @_@ There were so many beautiful guitars and you could just sit down and play! Photo is of the galls galore of sex for your eyes and ears.

The Distance Is Working For Us

This distance is actually helping us. It is kind of like a mini "you never know what you've got until it's gone" experiment. Not being able to text you for the past 5 days makes me miss you more and more. It makes me realize that every minute I get with you is special and I have to make the best of it. During the HOBY weekend, I realized that we have to live like we're dying. I've improved on holding back from staring tiny arguments with you because of all these new factors in my life. I don't want to waste our time together because god only knows..one of us could be dead tomorrow. I love you always, mahal. :) Today was alright. I wish I had better plans for these half days, but today Shalier, Jacob, and I hit up Joey's for some drinkable pizza (considering all the oil) haha. It was a good day. Photo is of Shalier "polishing his horn" hahaha Also, we have here, a thing I did in Ariel's sketchbook today.

Jersey Gardens Has My Love

Today seemed like I wouldn't be able to get through it at first, but the afternoon lead to better. Some how I got through the school day with absolutely no one around. The majority of everyone was either at home because of projects or at the Bronx Zoo. Finally, when the end of the day came around, I got dropped off to his house to spend a mere 45 minutes with him. It was better than nothing, considering that I haven't seen him all day! By 4PM I was in the ca r with Alo, Joriz, and Roland on the way to the mall to get the guys their prom necessities. We ended up splitting up and I shopped around with Joriz. Even though I didn't buy much, there was so much I wanted! I was living off of $40 so I was trying not to buy a lot. I freaking love Jersey Gardens. The prices are gorgeous! :D I ended up only buying a locket necklace and earrings but that's okay because they were cheap! It was definitely a nice experience being at the mall with new friends, bonding better. Upon leaving, Joriz got mad at Alo because he wasn't picking up his phone and she was going to be late for work. We pulled another Mission Impossible that ended up not so possible. We got her to work about 20 minutes late, but she wasn't in trouble. She was still mad and Alo was emotionally depressed (lol) so he, Roland, and I went to Smashburger for dinner. That was definitely fun. For some reason I really get along with guys. In that case, I'm not afraid to be a little guyish or to any degree girly with them. It's really chill. With certain girls, you get a weird look if your out of element or too guyish. I really want Nike SBs! GAH. Photo is of Alo driving to Smashburger.

I Can Do This I Can Do This

Dang! 300th post! I'm seriously getting there! Anyways, onto today. It was good. Nothing is better than starting the week with basically a half-day, considering the delayed-opening for testing. The days tends to go a lot better like this. After today, I can finally breathe a little better. Colorguard auditions were today. I won't say I bust my ass trying to put my piece together, because I really didn't. I was the only one trying out for Captain, but it is still good to give off a nice first impression. All went well for the most part. I got my taste of the summer heat and sweat. I spent my time with you wisely and didn't complain when it was over. I'll take what I can get because everything is much easier without complaining. I'm learning. I say that I can breathe a little better only because it is one less weight off my chest. There is so much more left at the end of the year, so I just hope to get through it all. Photo is of funky hair. lol

"I'm Honestly Falling In Love With You All Over Again From Square One"

And so we count down.. one more day to deal with and then Dorney Park! :) As weather.com foretells, Friday will be nice. As of today, things were nice too. Well, for the most part. My English class just irritated me, though. Hrm.. today we also had that outdoor BBQ thing for lunch today, which really made me sad! They closed off all other lines to serve cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and rib-BQ's (idk). But really, what if a poor old girl like myself just wanted a simple cheese steak?! I couldn't even have that! :( I settled for the cold cheeseburger. Oh well, haha. Moving on. Today felt good with you. I can quote myself and say that "I'm honestly falling in love with you all over again from square one." You thought it could be taken in a bad way, but it's in the best meaning possible. After all our arguments, I feel like I'm finally starting on a clean slate with my feelings for you - purified like Brita. (lol) You said the look in my eyes was something you hadn't seen in a while which mean much to me. I'm glad the way I feel shows through my eyes, which you can read so well. Boy, you are my favorite reader. :) My father talked to me today, hitting me with another one of his lectures. I actually held back and played it mature, not arguing. I understand his points, but I also kept my defense up. I think we both understand each other. I joked around at the end, saying, "Awww , your little girl is growing up!! :3 " along with a hug. Photo is of 12th period doodle!

Eyes Wide, Staircase Shenannigans

Im trying my hardest right now to keep my eyes open an awake 0__0 ..yeH thats what i feel like except im sure my eyes can never be that big. Today was good.. We almost got into a stupid arguement but after school we handled it verbally like two normal people. After that, we hid in the staircase where we got the greatest kind of "privacy" in this school. We just sat on the stairs and talked.. Ive come to realize that kisses on the ear feel amaazing ! Im so friggin tired, and there is much hw to be done.. This is a time where i am grateful in having two studies thia MP. Well, gnight, world! Photo will be of hw.. Nothin special lol

Relationships

I will continue to defend my own words. The beauty of a relationship is getting through anything and everything together. ArgueMents are meant to happen, but in an understanding. Both guy and girl have to be willing to talk and get through those 3 steps back to get 4 steps forward. Tonight we just casually talked on the phone, but it led into curious questions in our relationship. "What is your most memorable event in the months we've been together?" theres so much I can give in that answer, so it was hard to narrow it down to one. I can't say I'm a fan of arguements and war, but it is necessary. I am grateful to have someone like you in every way, shape, and form. We were reminded today that at the end of this month we hit half a year, six months. I love you so much.. Just as I did the first month.. Undoubtedly more. Photos of Gaga haha its so dark as I lay here about to sleep lol.

Unconditional

So I basically spent my Saturday with just my parents. It's not something I have come to argue. Because in fact, it is something I am so used to. This morning I woke up and immediately got ready. While I was still sleeping, I subconsciously heard my papa tell me to get up because we are going to the mall, costco, and wherever. I was like a robot when I got up. I ended up being the first one ready to go, hah. It was a good day with just them. As much as we argue on a daily basis, I still find enjoyable days with them. I saw something amazing between them right before we got to the mall. They got into this arguement about how my father's co-workers shouldve couldve done this and that. My mom is the kind of person who will stand her ground to the end on what she says. My father tried to say that his men just make mistakes so it was nothing. Still, she argues how much at fault they were. They argued and argued all the way to the parking lot.. I thought our "good day" was officially over. Then, it went silent. I assumed they weren't going to talk for the rest of the day. My pa throws in a corny joke about the way my ma talks sometimes. They were laughing. I was shocked at first, but was soon amazed by the unconditional love. One stupid arguement won't even ruin their day. I want that very much. Photo's of the big jug of wine Papa bought at Costco.

Wakka-Wakka, Bakka-Bakka

I know that today wobbled a bit, almost tilting into a stupid argument here and there, but a kiss fixed all of that. School has been something I am so grateful for. For the fact that I get to see you a lot, I can get through the day. I'm done with arguments and stupid emotions, so whenever they're on the verge of arising, I will think back and hold myself. It's truly not worth it. I don't know what else to put for today other than..well so far we have gotten through two days. I am so excited for tomorrow because it is a half day pep-rally. After school, I plan on leaving with you, ordering some cheeseee wontoonnns [because you've never had any] and more Chinese food, be fat with you, and live in love. :3 Photo's of someone "not trying to pose", but I think otherwise. :)

And So It Seems...

A stranger can tell me we wont make it and I'll tell him that he's just a load of poop. I know how I feel and I know that he feels the same way too. The will and determination we have to not argue and continue as we did today is so strong, I believe. When we have godsent days like this, my heart just yearns for more. Argueing is such a tiring thing; it is so unnecessary. My heart has finally been happy for the first time in a few weeks. Haha, and so it seems that we are never too far away from our dreams. :) Photo's with Sean after Gym midterms chillen'.

Greatest Gift Delivered Tonight

Merry Merry Christmas.. a lot of you should be lucky for the way you spend you holidays. Mine are low-key and I've come to accept that, but I do always wish for more.. I wish for family gatherings and big social scenes, but we can't always get what we want, huh? The entire day was fine until my greatest gift of all was delivered tonight: an arguement with my mother. Good god, those get pretty intense. Over some dishes, really? She kept riding up my butt about it even thoguht I said "Okay". My temper rose and hyperventilation kicked in. She wouldnt stop yelling. I ran to the room to cool off, and she opens the door 10 seconds later and continues to yell at me. Really now? Atleast let me breathe. Photo's of cookies [snowballs] I finished off making for my sister that caused the arguement.

Given A Day

...and I can't stand to be without you. I am still determined to kept the rest of my life together- my friendships around- but it is so difficult trying. I don't argue today because I needed to make up for lost time; I have caught myself to be far too distant lately. And yes, you are the reason why. =] I choose to be with you every opportunity that comes my way which, in turn, pulls me away from them. I don't argue today, yet I feel such a void from it. I can't stand cutting off all connection from you for hours; I could've texted you, but I didn't want to go against the reason why I was hanging out with them in the first place. I know you feel the same void- the same emptiness- that I do. We are so ridiculous..let's not do that again. I love you. lol Look, we became kids again, painting paper plates for no good reason!!

And Still, I Am in Awe

We can end our nights on good nots and bad ones. I won't say that last night was a bad one, but it was unnecessary. The problem didn't need to occur, but it arose anyway. I'm just glad that our relationship has the ability to make-up pretty fast. I refuse to let days go by with a stupid arguement still lingering. Let alone, I can't even sleep through a single night with such a heavy heart. From a bad night, we have travelled into the next night having such a heart-felt conversation. I feel like saving every message you've sent in the last two hours. Jesus, I don't understand how I've lucked out so well to find you..to find us. And still, I am in awe. Filler photo: I woke up at 1PM this morning and didn't go to church, so I had nothing to take a pic of except this lol

Doing A 180

Oh god..today has been a day. As most day this one seemed to start off good. I had canceled practice this morning in order to spend time with my mother, who is leaving tomorrow morning for the Philippines. We really did our best at having a relaxed, chill day in Atlantic City and that is what happened. We had a chill day in AC. My mother, my sister, and I had sushi, layed on the beach for like 5 minutes, walked into the seaweed filled Atlantic Ocean (gross), shopped, and so forth. I even got to go to the Converse Outlet!! finallyy!! I got me a nice, clean pair ;D




So yeah. We had a good day at AC. Our night back in Belleville, on the other hand was something completely different. When the three of us got back to town, we all got pedicures to beautify our les pieds hehe. But. Coming back home was killer. Things started happening al at once and it felt like the world itself was falling apart. My mother was no longer calm, argueing with my brother about her flight tomorrow morning to go to the Philippines. She was being herself again >.> Oh well..people are people.













Meet my sister, Christianne.