Tears, Target & A Phone Call

I told myself I would try to start summer reading and AP Chem work today. Yeah, pretty funny joke there. The most of my efforts went to trying to get a ride to the mall to get a phone case, and still I am empty handed. Last night didn't go well, as far as continuing that three day streak of pure happiness. I screwed up a nice, awaited phone call, being tired and out of it completely. I called him back this morning and it completely made up for last night. Our tired, groggy selves started talking and for almost an hour did I feel happiness. The happiness I should have felt last night. I went to Target tonight, hoping to get a phone cover. What I did get though, was a crying sister, whom was arguing with her boyfriend. She wanted to go to the beach with him tomorrow morning, but his backup car has bad tires. She tried to negotiate with him, propositioning to go half on the two tires at $45 a piece. He really didn't want to spend the money on a car he rarely uses. I tried to cheer her up, cracking jokes here and there, and for the most part it worked. Tomorrow is a big day, and I'm excited :) It's the 30th! Photo is of the childhood dream.

Finished Bracelets & Redeemed Meetings

In my eyes, today was very eventful. Unfortunately the morning didn't go according to plan, as he woke up late. Initially, he was to wake up around 8 and get here in the morning so we could have a day to us, but he didn't wake up until 11AM. I was a little upset because I was so excited to see him, but as long as I was going to see him soon, I was content. He came over and we hung out. We walked to "China Town" to get some Chinese food to bring it back to the house - we ate while watching Adventure Time. Ah, fun. We were able to spend a lot more time than usual, but he had to leave around 4PM. I left with him. We went to Wendy's where I finally got in contact with Roland. He called me at 4PM and the showtime for a movie we wanted to watch was at 5:20PM. At that time, we were still at Wendy's and the notice was way too short. They drove by and we tried to work something out. Didn't work out. I would have really loved to hang out with Roland, but I guess not today. "I guess, if you get there, we'll see you there," they said. Unfortunately, Jacob was down for reasons of feeling ditched or used for a period of time and then put aside while I hang out with others. That case is not true. Not too far on the way biking home, I came up with the reckless idea to catch up with him. Hey, if I wasn't going to see the movie, then I still wanted to see him. I didn't think too much into it, but at the First Station, I turned my bike around and peddled like hell.

I made it pretty far without stopping, but I was a little sad to not see any sign of him in the distance. I didn't stop until I got to the hill. That was kind of tiring, not gonna lie. I didn't stop though, I just went slower. I kept trying to call him and it all seemed like a replay of this morning when I called him about 20 times like a crazy woman trying to wake him up. He finally called back and I, out of breath, answered. I explained to him my impulsive decision to bike after him and he agreed to meet me behind his house on Tappan Ave. So I'm biking aimlessly up and down the street and then I notice a big, red Chevy Trailblazer pass by. His mom drives a big, red Chevy Trailblazer. FML. I'm a little freaked out, and so I call him. I asked if his mom came home and he said yeah, she just got in. I explained to him the situation and he said he doesn't think she saw me, since she didn't mention it.

Eh, her being home meant I couldn't see him. Yet, I was pretty thirsty [I had a frosty at Wendy's] so I still asked for a water. He left it on the front steps and I got it. He called me back up with a "My mom want to know if you're thirsty?" I was being invited up for a refreshment. I didn't know what to think nor did I know what to say other than a jumble of stutters. This was the lady who caught us and lectured us twice - is she really asking me to come up? I've learned to take initiative and I accepted. I came into the kitchen, greeted her, and sat down while he made a pitcher of Lipton Iced Tea. I managed to keep cool while she asked about me. This was definitely a better way to meet her. Then, his father came home. It was all definitely weird in a sense, but I over came that and greeted him as well. As time went on, I stuffed myself with so much Iced Tea. I felt like I might throw up on the ride home. When I finally left, I thanked her for the drink and said goodbye. He walked me out to the front and we shared our hugs and few kisses. I'm so proud of that afternoon because I could easily have held back on the offer and went home, but I took it up to see where my possibilities would lead. I finished my first good bracelet tonight! that is another thing I am proud of. The photo is of just that.

Initiative, Inspirafion Speech

This weekend HOBY solidifies some that would fluxuate in my life. Coming to a leadership thing I didn't expect much outside the box,but HOBY has taught me morals beyond leading a group of people. On the drive here i didn't have much excitement or nervousness. But surprisingly enough, as i walked up to registration there was the 'tunnel time" going where the junior/senior advisers stood on the two sides of a tunnel screaming and yelling enthusiastically for you to pass through. In the course of a weekend this program had taught me something I've lacked a consistency in. taking initiative and not just in a group o people, but in my own personal Life most especially. First of all family. Te first speaker guy talked and borrowed time and how you always should take. The chances in life. You wont always have those second or third chances. It made me want to change my ways and really give my mother the affection she deserves because honestly the thought of my mother and father dying in a car crash on the way here devastates me. I know that i have not lived our relationship as parent and daughter to the fullest. With friends, more less the guy i plan on spending the rest of my life with, i Allow us to fall in to arguments way to easily. I am going to start taking much more initiative in my life to understand- to think in his POV because if hes dead tomorrow the effect with my parents is the same. With friends, i have always had a fluctuation of being out going and then being they nervous awkward quiet loner. I hated it so much but this weekend has proven to me that hey, its okay to just walk up to someone and be friendly. From there you find something to talk about. Even though in the real world there isnt much of an understanding that we are all individuals considering egos and clicks, hoby at least proved to me that it is possible and okay to walk up t a complete stranger. I would used to second guess whether i should or shouldn't walk up to some one and miss the chance. Here i didn't have worries and plopped up a chair next to a stranger. I have been inspired to radiate my new confidence even starting tonight with the dance. I took a really nervous stiff tense boy on the floor and began to teach him. I wanted to give him the same confidence i have gotten and to not care what others think. I got him to take off the awkward blazer he wore and un tuck his button down shirt and dance told him how to move his feet and extend his arms. By the end of the night i saw him dancing with other people :) i felt good about myself. And since i i said talkk be like that i wanted to help some one out too. I have been taking my initiative with a y steps including the decision to stand up and talk to you guys like this. This weekend has taught my something I've been inconsistent with and I'm so thankful for that opportunity. Thanks guys, i love you all.X

Today was so much betterthan yesterday. There were less lectures and more activities that had us up an about. At one point i. Ecame pissed off just for fact that i had three catty girls in my group. There are nice but theres a thi g about thrm that irrotates me. A click could easily form bu after a while i did t care. You make the best of your night and not care what peopl thiml. Do that anr youre set for life. The dance was good. Frankly i have my much more people tonight than the past tep days sitting around. I walked up to people and started dancing with people (cleanly) . Then when i got tired i sat with strangers and had the greatest conversations about boyfriends/ girlfriends an phones . They are the coolest people ive met so far. They all at out because they had a boyfriend or gf but i danced anyway. Just cus i know i cant "dance like that" any wY amd wouldmt if the oppprtu ity came up. I have my man :) photo is of a cup i drew on while listening to during a presentation. The box i made too haha

Chillen, Grillen, And Conversing On The DL.

Well, today was a chill game of waiting. After the useless parade, Jaelynn and I went to Alo's to keep him company for the day. Joriz had left him to go to the beach and Roland just plainly did not want to come. Alo has definitely been a good friend, so it was only right that I be a good friend, proportionately. As he grilled like no tomorrow, we ate some of it which tasted amazing. Also, we had discussed big topic in life right now: dramas, concern, problems, etc. The entire time, we talked about a specific subject, with all hopes in it. Oh, he taught us how to shoot his bow and arrows today! Archery is an uncommon thing to be capable of doing these days, but who cares? It was pretty fun learning how to hold it right and shoot well, targeting the haystack only yards away. Failure followed along here and there, but I miraculously hit it right on the Arizona can on the first shot ever! I jumped up and down like a little girl haha. Our poor judgments resulted in missin gthe haystack and going into the neighbor's yard, hitting the nice, white fence, the ground, and even into the next house over! We stayed until 5:30PM when Joriz came back and we took her to work. Jaelynn, Alo, and I got the Farm and for once, I didn't feel too bad eating it! (Whadda fatty, right?) Driving around, I got to ride in a drift! woooot haha. Then, we chilled at Jeffrey's house for a while, but certain intentions there did not go according to plan. It'll work out, I jus tknow it. Photos are from my first win and Jae's first Farm! :D

Proven Socially-Improved On A Birthday

Today was a very good day in terms of improving my social self. Today I went with Kim to her friend Nicole's birthday party. I was nervous at first because I have been to Bloomfield parties with the same people before and I didn't allow myself to to talk to new people easily; I was too nervous. Over the past few years, especially this one, i felt like I have gotten better at it and today actually proved that. Firstly, thanks to the help of the best friend and Nicole, I got "formally" introduced to everyone. The actually made things feel more comfortable for me. From there, I let the day take me as it could. I talked when I could, there is no doubt it that. Sometimes I was limited to input because they would talk about people at school or teachers that I couldn't relate to at all. Still, I put myself out there, being the nice, friendly person I am capable of being. I should look down on the fact that I texted the whole time, though. Part of the reason why I did so was that I missed him. I kept checking my phone to look at my wallpaper of the photobooth pictures from Dorney Park. It brought a smile to my face every time. At one point I said good-bye and that I would text him later, but about 10 minutes later, I texted back saying "I miss you already." I couldn't help myself. The other reason was that the amount I could give in to being social was limited, so I would find myself just sitting around. Texting helped fill that void. By the end of the night, we sat in and watched the Hangover. Funnay Movie!! Photo is of a girl we made out of glow-sticks laid out on the grass :D Happy Birthday, Nicole Alcordo! :)

"I'm Honestly Falling In Love With You All Over Again From Square One"

And so we count down.. one more day to deal with and then Dorney Park! :) As weather.com foretells, Friday will be nice. As of today, things were nice too. Well, for the most part. My English class just irritated me, though. Hrm.. today we also had that outdoor BBQ thing for lunch today, which really made me sad! They closed off all other lines to serve cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and rib-BQ's (idk). But really, what if a poor old girl like myself just wanted a simple cheese steak?! I couldn't even have that! :( I settled for the cold cheeseburger. Oh well, haha. Moving on. Today felt good with you. I can quote myself and say that "I'm honestly falling in love with you all over again from square one." You thought it could be taken in a bad way, but it's in the best meaning possible. After all our arguments, I feel like I'm finally starting on a clean slate with my feelings for you - purified like Brita. (lol) You said the look in my eyes was something you hadn't seen in a while which mean much to me. I'm glad the way I feel shows through my eyes, which you can read so well. Boy, you are my favorite reader. :) My father talked to me today, hitting me with another one of his lectures. I actually held back and played it mature, not arguing. I understand his points, but I also kept my defense up. I think we both understand each other. I joked around at the end, saying, "Awww , your little girl is growing up!! :3 " along with a hug. Photo is of 12th period doodle!

I'm Fighting For It

Life undoubtedly brings changes, but they aren't necessarily good ones. These are more or less additional challenges for us to get through. It's kind of ironic because I had just finally figured out how to control my emotions and now it seems as if that won't be necessary some time from now. Then again, changes are constantly happening. It's not like one change happens and the rest of your life is ruined. Like a domino affect, other changes will take on after that, and maybe we will find ourselves in a position better than where we think we'll be in. I promise. I will pray to god every night starting tonight that we will have our time. "I am so set on the idea that one day we will have it all." Photo is of us. You are my everything, my world. There is no such thing as a life without you.

You Are Mine And That Is All that Matters

Being too open in a relationship can bite you in the butt. There's a point where you're telling too much of everything or I don't say anything. Unfortunately, all I have been doing is complaining on and on about jealousy and little problems here and there. Today you guys had practice for Battle of the Classes, and I just drifted around with other people. I started learning choreo for another group for the Talent show, so who knows, maybe I will do it. It is hard to keep composure with the feelings I tend to feel. You told me that I'm letting these emotions take over and ruin our relationship. The idea is yes, I do get jealous, but no, I don't think you'll cheat on me. It's set in the back of my mind that you won't, but there was this one thing next to jealousy that stood alongside it. I saw you happy in a conversation with her and it made me feel like I couldn't accomplish that with you. I have brought all of our arguments to life basically and caused much stress for you and I. The whole time, I started ranting to Rey, Greg, and Kim just because I needed to let it out. Finally, your practice was over, and I came over. Composure, composure, composure. I lost it as I stood there with my forehead against yours. We got some kind of privacy in the chorus room, with the occasional KENNETH passing by, haha. I know I keep trying and failing, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying. Eventually feelings were better in a sense, being able to talk about it, and overtime was ours. It was already past 5PM and you probably should have been home, but I kept you for about another hour. Though you got yelled at when you got home, I don't regret it. <3 You gave me a wedgie D: Photo is of me working on Chemistry outlines tonight.

Understanding And Pressing On

Eh. Today more or less consisted of learning. Unfortunately, I am the jealous type and I'm not used to how nice of a person you are to everyone including your ex-girlfriend. It's not that I don't like it, it is because when I was in my own situation, I didn't talk to the other person for about a year, really just to get over him. There is the understanding that you never really broke up on terms that were on your faults or decisions, so that can still get me a little queasy. In that case, there is still a friendship and she still obviously feels for you. But then again, you reassured me with the idea that nothing will happen between you two, and my optimism is as high as my insecurities let me. I really believe in change. I hate awkwardness because I get enough of it out of myself. This is why I'm so determined to make the acquaintance. Hell, I don't care if we are different people. This whole world is made of different people and we all get along fine, no matter how different we may be sometimes. Things in life are always subject to change, for better or for worse. I might have to stock up on fake smiles in the future just just hold strong and not bitch. Don't worry, I'm not hiding my feelings. Photo is of cam whoring :D

A Dog & An Owner

I would be ashamed to admit that today wasn't very eventful, so l am ashamed. It really shouldn't be a shock because my Sundays never really were anything amazing in the first place. I don't want to admit that such a day I wouldn't be embarrassed to share relies on talking to him, but it may be true. Thee is the story of the dog and her master. Wait no, that seems too controlling.. let us refer to him as her best friend. ( you know.. "man's best friend") The two share a great relationship when they are together. They both wouldn't change it for the world. The dog is bound to home, so its not like she gets the chance to leave whenever. Therefore, she cherishes the time she has with him. He on the other hand has full freedom to go about in the world and do many things. Some days he will spend the entire day with friends and live. The dog knows better not to be jealous because that is just how life works out. She is bound to home while he is out. She does not get mad or run a rampage and destroy the house, but she simply waits for his return. The downer days are the long events where he comes home late and goes straight to bed. As soon as he walks in, the dog's tail gives off a little wag. He is more than tired and gives her a little ruffle through her hair with his right hand, showing he cares, nonetheless. He continues into the room. Door shut, the dog kind of just sits there, all wagging stopped. An inevitable sadness hovers overhead after a long day's session of the waiting game ends in a fade out. She gets up and heads back over into her bed, only hoping that tomorrow will be a better, more eventful, day. As much as I would not want to compare myself to the role of a dog, the information has its relevance. I do not get mad or anything. It is simply a bit of disappointment that will hopefully fade away tomorrow. Photo is of me eating shrimp chips and watching Monster this afternoon. :)

Be A Teen & Explore

I'm coming to realize that I need to move on. Sure I still want to fix what
I've wronged, but on days like this, when it doesn't work out I should find something else to do. I need to explore the sociableness of my persona, instead of conserving it for a select few. I'm 16 and shouldn't let all the problems of the my mind pull me apart. This world was made for billions of people. I need to get the jist of meeting my share of them. Today I went to the doctor's to get some prescription for allergy meds. I learned that I have grown a bit and lost a bit of 5 pounds. Eh, I'll probably gain it back, but it was seriously a happy spark in my mediocre day. I need to get a life lol. Photo's of the obvious. I went to Masagana after the doctor's to get food. *shivers*

Relationships

I will continue to defend my own words. The beauty of a relationship is getting through anything and everything together. ArgueMents are meant to happen, but in an understanding. Both guy and girl have to be willing to talk and get through those 3 steps back to get 4 steps forward. Tonight we just casually talked on the phone, but it led into curious questions in our relationship. "What is your most memorable event in the months we've been together?" theres so much I can give in that answer, so it was hard to narrow it down to one. I can't say I'm a fan of arguements and war, but it is necessary. I am grateful to have someone like you in every way, shape, and form. We were reminded today that at the end of this month we hit half a year, six months. I love you so much.. Just as I did the first month.. Undoubtedly more. Photos of Gaga haha its so dark as I lay here about to sleep lol.

That Sick Feeling

Hrmm.. today took a while to come around full circle. It's never a decent feeling to go to sleep without hear the voice of the person you love. I haven't talked to you since 6:00PM, yesterday. Today during school, you wouldn't even keep eye contact with me.. it hurt so much. Before first period, I was already prepared to leave the building. By 8:50AM I had this sick feeling in my stomach dreading to see your face. At lunch, you wouldn't even look at me. I held back my hardest from tearing up during the day. Finally we got to your house and we laid down. Things still weren't right. I broke down in your arm, tears drenching your white v-neck. We finally discussed what went wrong. Eventually, resolve was found and once and I was smiling brightly as any day, maybe more. I can't bear not talking to you for even an hour. The idea of going without your voice or texts for a day was unbearable.

Well-Understood

Ah, my plotting is almost complete..just a day or more left. :) Oh goodness, it is so nice finally being able to let others in on your world and get some outside comfort. It opens a new door in an already amazing friendship that extends into forever. To tell another person, you feel this great relief and finally have the opportunity to breathe. They give you feedback; they give their own opinions; per say, they support your mindset and understand. It's not like I was lying about it.. I just never got the chance to fully explain! :D Today was essentially perfect. Along with this relief, I still snuck in those so-anticipated-for kisses in our moments of privacy. Some will just never understand. :)

By God's Greatest Blessing

122 days is the equivalent of 4 months. I have been with you for four months today. I'm so happy we had a good day. A day free from problems and just overcame a resolution. I really wish I just could have spent this day with you in person. On any given day of the week, I can spend it with you, but today just feels like a bit more. I'm not one for flaunting dates, but four months ago, I had my first kiss. And by god's greatest blessing, it was with you. Today we mostly webcammed and I thought your nephew was so adorable. I text you all day like usual, and my love for it has not shifted at all. To finally say "4 months" makes me happy. The facts finally make sense with how I truly feel. Last month I kept debating on how I feel like we've been together for 4 or 5 months; I would literally stop and think about it. I like where we are, and I pray that it doesn't change. I pray that we are more than just months, I love you. Photo's of webcammin' :)

Words Written Words Spoken

Mm...today was a regular Monday..nothing really special about it, but I did have alittle date with my life at Dunkin Donuts this afternoon :D Forgive me for possibly not making sense, but just being with you for two houws and staring into your eye makes my day completely. I could grab your hands and intertwine them with mine, look you in the eyes and you would blush. It's kinda cute. I'm usually the one blushing! haha We definitely both want the same thing..and for you to speak those same words as you texted me last night, gives it so much more effect. I could not contain my heart. Oh, we found a dead mouse today, yuck. Photo's of an amazing whale and a baby whale :D ..but Dan ruined it. -_-

Partayy

I haven't really hung out with friends in a while. Tonight I hung out at Roland's party, and honestly, it was nice to get around again. It was hard at first, feeling awkward with some situations, but things pulled through in the end. We played Pictionary at first, which was absolutely hilarious. Drawing skills have no effect when you add in a time crunch. We were laughing so hard, interpretting poorly drawn bones as penises.. xD Most of the time, I sat in the kitchen and chilled with Olga and them which was fun. She apprently likes sharp objects haha.. so let's take a vote: Olga is A) licking the knife B) its going up her nose or C) both A and B hahah

First One, Casually

School was a little iffy because my heart can only assume the worst. In times of awkwardness and even the slightest distance, I conclude that there is some kind of problem. Finally, to be alone with you after school is like a change of pace. Being alone with you does miracles on hard feelings. Kicked out of the band room, we first tried to go to your house. Apparently someone was over, so that was off our list of options. We had never really done anything other than head back to your house, so today was definitely something new. I was definitely not up for just leaving to go home, so we found ourselves heading to Dunkin Donuts. The first few minutes we sat down, things still felt a bit wierd. In time, I learned to lift my heart a little, and enjoy the fact that i was with you spending time together. You continue to make fun of my physical features, as I burned on your hair and nose. xD We literally sat there for about an hour and a half, and I loved it entirely. Laughs were frequent; here and there. Eventually, we left and began to walk around. We wandered around the parking lot of School #7 and fonud ourselves going around the highschool and to the stadium. I actually got to hold your hand in public today. What's even better is that it was in your pocket, lol so it was warmer. :D I'm not a humoungous fan of PDA, but it was so nice to have you breathe a bit, outside the restrictions of your religion. I can honestly say I really enjoyed our first official date :D [casually speaking] Friday, we're hopefully having our first formal date to the movies :D I look foreward to this so.. Look, its a gum wrapper on my forehead!

Missed Comm

Today was a fail on terms of miscommunications. Going to the movies with you kind of failed because texting brought on the wron ideas. Although, now that I'm talking to you on the phone right now, things feel so much better. I can check the time right now, and we're already at 2:53 hrs. I think this is the longest phone call I've ever had with someone.. xD I hungout with Kim, Ana, Emily, Jill, and Jamie at the movies tonight to see Paranormal Activity, and that shit was scary! I was tearing at certain points out of fear, sitting next to Kim. We all had to sneak into the movie, pretending we saw Fame and had to split up in pairs to actually get seats. woot.

Initiative

Take the initiative to fix a problem. That is what I did tonight. When we tried to hang out today, it just wasn't feeling right. So I called you tonight and we talked it out; complications were brought to common undstanding, and I know where your heart is.

Goodness, will Belleville band ever have a good football game?! Tonight we versed against West Essex HS and the visit was horrible. The opposing city was so rude. As we marched by in our blue block, "Boo's" were being thrown out from the bleachers as well as a half-full can of Arizona Iced Tea. Prior to the game, it was announced that their band was treating us to a snack and drink during the third quarter to socialize as well. third quarter came around and by that time, Mrs. B couldn't take it anymore. Our plan was to eat their food and leave. A little bit of socializing did take place, but so did a lot of controversy! People from the bleachers would pass by as we walked, purposely shoving into us and acting smart. Its so funny how people can be so immature!