Tears, Target & A Phone Call

I told myself I would try to start summer reading and AP Chem work today. Yeah, pretty funny joke there. The most of my efforts went to trying to get a ride to the mall to get a phone case, and still I am empty handed. Last night didn't go well, as far as continuing that three day streak of pure happiness. I screwed up a nice, awaited phone call, being tired and out of it completely. I called him back this morning and it completely made up for last night. Our tired, groggy selves started talking and for almost an hour did I feel happiness. The happiness I should have felt last night. I went to Target tonight, hoping to get a phone cover. What I did get though, was a crying sister, whom was arguing with her boyfriend. She wanted to go to the beach with him tomorrow morning, but his backup car has bad tires. She tried to negotiate with him, propositioning to go half on the two tires at $45 a piece. He really didn't want to spend the money on a car he rarely uses. I tried to cheer her up, cracking jokes here and there, and for the most part it worked. Tomorrow is a big day, and I'm excited :) It's the 30th! Photo is of the childhood dream.

New Phone Texting Like A Monster All Day

Wow, it's crazy to think that I have about one more post before this project ends. "Gah, my hands hurt so much from texting... ON MAH NEW BLACKBERRY THAT FINALLY CAME IN THE MAIL TODAYY. I woke up today, early, hoping he could come over. Unfortunately he couldn't, so I just went back to sleep. I stayed up a bit, but I was too tired myself to wait for the lover who also went back to sleep. I finally got up at 1PM, ready to make myself a good breakfast: chocolate chip-filled pancakes. YUMM! Later, into the afternoon, I awaited my package via Fedex. When it came, I was running down the stairs like a little girl on Christmas morning. The guy who delivered my package didn't look to cheer and when I opened the door something fell from above. Apparently, my mom had put tisse at the top of our screen door because there is a gap were flies are getting in. When I opened it, it all fell down, and even I was shocked and confused. He thought I intentionally threw it at him, but I, nervously laughing, denied it. I thought he was gonna beat me up or something. The events after that were simple: texting, texting, setting up my new phone, setting up BBM, BBMing all day and all night. I only have three friends on BBM right now, but its whatever. Photo is of my new phone :D As much as I hated the craze, I'm in it now.

Solitary

There are times when I may make absolutely no sense. I begin to pull answers out of my ass because I don't know how to explain what I feel. Then, I lose track of anything I'm trying to say. I feel like the only thing I could make sense in was "I just want you." I have acted in selfishness.. I may be going crazy.

Today was okay.. after church, I went over to Ana's hosue where we got A LOT of progress on our project! I mean, we watched the marathon of Solitary, ate cupcakes and chips, and chilled! Eh, the most we got was cut-outs of our project. Procrastination is a beautiful thing :D Photo's of me about to read Macbeth.

"It's All About Imperfections"

I guess today was good. The school day itself was good, except a certain someone doesn't have the phone to text.. I feel like half my life is missing during the day when I can't sneak my phone out to see if I have any new texts! Hrmm..I'm kind of disliking jazz band right now..all I do is sit and play my part, and text. I mean, it's great, but I wish I was more involved. Because leave me alone to ponder and think, and you will get a sad Staph. She will think to hard into life and the fringe at the piano will irritate her more. I'm getting over it..I'm just not there yet. I tried to nap away stupid emotions, but I ended up painting. I can't argue it, though. It's all I know to do.

That's A Lie

Umm..I did chemistry all day. Actually, that's a lie. I started at almost 7PM and before that I was sewing and just plain out procrastinating lol. Ugh, I don't know what happened tonight. Pictures of the dreaded notebook.

Omg He's Gonna Hang Up!

I'm kind of tired but I've been on the phone with this bucko for like 6:43 hours. XD I tried not to eat a lot today, but I ended up just scroching down a bunch of tortilla chips haha.. this is a new record :D Look, the picture means nothing. -filler-

Touch Me Like An iPod

Woo I finally got an iPod touch! :D after two trips to the mall, of course. at around 8:30am this morning, I went to Willowbrook with my sister and her boyfriend. He ended up buying a SONY TV while I wandered off into the mall. With the crapload of birthday money I had, I decided to walk into the Apple store. I've been wanting an iPod Touch for quite some time now, but now that my 5G video iPod is messed up, I had even more reason to go through with it. Just as I was about to purchase it, the guy who was helping me out, Iqbal, said I could get 10% off if I recycled my old one. Excited yet sad, I left to do just that. As it turns out, I had to leave anyways because my sister's bf had to attend a wedding. About two hours later, I went back with my brother and got it :D That dude, Iqbal, was pretty chill. When I got home, there was nothing really to do except sleep. I sulked in a jar of Nutella with a fork for a while, but i laid on the couch and knocked out. It is so much better to sleep, rather to think as the day goes by, without being able to do something. The day sort of picked back up tonight around 10PM when we began to talk out the problem. I don't know if you're reading this right now, but I love being able to talk about our problems. I never want to just leave them hanging or push them aside. As god may be on our side once again, we stayed on the phone phone.. 1:30AM until 3:47AM. The best few hours of my day. By the end of our conversation, tensions turned into light-hearted laughs, which I just love so much. I refuse to ever let a night go by and fall asleep with a heavy heart. I love you. Oh, I got stuck sitting on the floor this morning with the TV filling up the whole seat.

Sweet Sixteen

Decent Birthday.. the biggest highlight of this day that I can say really made my birthday worth it was being with you for that hour after school. :) I felt so relaxed, though you continued to make me laugh with stupid jokes and silly acts. :) Soft kisses from you is all I need on a day like this. Hrmm..I went out to dinner tonight with the family at Cheesecake Factory, also getting my new phone :D woot the enV Touch is pretty chill. I just failed at applying a two-pack of screen protectors onto my new phone. I suck.

Connie Francis, I Don't Know Who You Are.

Friday are always interesting. There were jazz band auditions after school and some of us told Mrs. B that we aren't auditioning until Monday. So Jaelynn, Jacob, and I ended up walking to Wendy's to get food and just chill around. Nothing special happened, other than us shoving food in our mouths. XD Joshue came by and we were literally laughing our asses off every time he said something! We randomly started laughing about how to tie shoes and other crap @.@ Its so hilarious how the smallest topics can be the most hilarious things when Joshue brings it up XD Luckily, practice ended early and I left with Jaelynn to check out Meriena's party and basically get food. Her phone died so she felt helpless without it. I ended up not texting Jacob when I really know I should have.. I know you're reading this, so once again I'm sorry! >.< Hrmm..the party was okay, but I think I was really too tired to enjoy it. I really am not looking forward to tomorrow's practice from 10AM-6PM fml.

Passed Out

Last night ended better, spending three hours on the phone with him and sleeping at like 1:30AM. I will admit that I was not up to going to school today, but then again, I never am. There was not much that went on. After school I had a Creative Writing Club meeting, which I was falling asleep at. Everyone was interacting in deciding whether or not to keep poems, while I just sat there mindless. I was looking foreward to lying on the band room floor and just passing out. Instead, I hung around in the band room with a couple people. I really don't know how I stayed up, but I think once I got home after practice, I was ready to pass out on the couch, which I did. Oh, we kept making fun of Jaelynn's pimple on her chin today. :D haha, love youu!

Missed Comm

Today was a fail on terms of miscommunications. Going to the movies with you kind of failed because texting brought on the wron ideas. Although, now that I'm talking to you on the phone right now, things feel so much better. I can check the time right now, and we're already at 2:53 hrs. I think this is the longest phone call I've ever had with someone.. xD I hungout with Kim, Ana, Emily, Jill, and Jamie at the movies tonight to see Paranormal Activity, and that shit was scary! I was tearing at certain points out of fear, sitting next to Kim. We all had to sneak into the movie, pretending we saw Fame and had to split up in pairs to actually get seats. woot.

Sewwwww

Today was a good day.. :) well, moreover, the night was pretty up there. The day itself was just sectionals, so nothing too crazy. We went over the new work learned from the previous night and then everyone got tested on the 3rd number. That was kind of funny.. I know what it feels like to be a first year and have to do a run-though on your own.. XD it's pretty nerve wrecking, not going to lie! Most of the rookies forgot the work out of nervousness, winning themselve a couple laps around the bus route.

My night was a pretty decent one. I tried to do homework, which overall failed, but I also tried to get Sison's pants done. As I've done mine, I'm hemming in people's uniform pants to fit nicely like skinnies. I havent asked for money because I think I still suck and these are my friends, so no charge! I kind of effed her pants, so I'll fix that tomorrow night. ANYWAYS, after that, I had a good 48 minute conversation with him.. :) I feel really grateful to have someone like him because as tired as he may be, there was that little sacrifice to stay up with me. I told him not to, but he insisted. =P Nights like this are what I love.

To The Buses

Today was our second competition held at South Brunswick. Our performance was not so great and the rain attacked tonight. We got changed and ate after the performance and headed to the bleachers to watch the rest of the show. After two bands or so, the slight drizzling began to pour immensly. I watched for Mrs B or any Drum Majors to give orders because we definitely were not going to sit in the pouring rain. Me and Jaelynn, for one, could've sworn to have heard Mrs. B say, "To the buses". At that I followed the crowd which was leading back the other way to the entrance. With about half the band running back to the buses I get a phonecall from Jae saying how much trouble half us are in. She was under the bleachers with the rest of the band. Immediately, I got pissed off. I was more mad of the fact that she may have given two distinct orders and if anything, one right after the other. Many of us only heard one. It upsets me that she was furious with us in result of one of the biggest misunderstandings ever. The rest of the band met up with us and Mrs. B basically scolded us. No one was willing to stand up and say what we thuoght when she asked if anyone heard her give the order "To the buses". Uh..I text Jacob the whole time, so that made me feel better XD. At awards, we were not allowed to cheer. We got 5th out of 6 lmfao haha. failure. I do want to have a decent season, but right now its not working out. The ride back to the highschool was good. I talked on the phone for a little bit with Jacob and then moved a couple seats up to chill with Ana and Roland. :D I like the middle of the bus.

Initiative

Take the initiative to fix a problem. That is what I did tonight. When we tried to hang out today, it just wasn't feeling right. So I called you tonight and we talked it out; complications were brought to common undstanding, and I know where your heart is.

Goodness, will Belleville band ever have a good football game?! Tonight we versed against West Essex HS and the visit was horrible. The opposing city was so rude. As we marched by in our blue block, "Boo's" were being thrown out from the bleachers as well as a half-full can of Arizona Iced Tea. Prior to the game, it was announced that their band was treating us to a snack and drink during the third quarter to socialize as well. third quarter came around and by that time, Mrs. B couldn't take it anymore. Our plan was to eat their food and leave. A little bit of socializing did take place, but so did a lot of controversy! People from the bleachers would pass by as we walked, purposely shoving into us and acting smart. Its so funny how people can be so immature!

Dreading That Key

This is the earliest post yet, but my wake up call this morning was not the same. On a typical day, I would wake up around 8:30 AM to the cheerful, persisting voice of my mother calling out to our pets. Thats one of the downsides of sleeping in the living room; you hear everything. Whether you are awake or not, you are part of the life that flows through a tiny apartment. On a typical morning, the phone likes to ring A LOT. Sometimes we don't bother to answer, but my sister picked up the phone out of failure to ignore it.
The phone ringing let alone annoyed me. Then, was the sound of confusion in my sisters voice trying to understand the language on the other line. It was my mothers relatives in the Philippines. Half conscious, I detect a shocked, and indescribable "OH." My heart suddenly dropped. My mind began to race as I waited for my sister to put down the phone. I immediately came to full consciousness, forgetting about the glories of sleep.

My grandfather, my LoLo Pol, had just passed away earlier this morning.

We got the call at 6:10 AM. The biggest thing about this is that my mother has not yet arrived home from her night shift at the hospital. In hopes to understand what to do, I hopped into the shower as my sister packed her things for the day, as she already had plans to go to the beach. She was not sure whether to go or not, but it was decided.

I'm sitting here, in the living room, dreading the hear that key shove its rough metal self into the door lock, allowing my mother to enter.

I sit here in a towel and robe, dreading it. I am the one who has to tell her about it. I wasn't sure, nor have I ever thought about carrying the title "The Bearer of Bad News". For a good while I pondered about how am I going to take care of this? Do I give her the number they left to call back? Or should I tell her first, only see her drop her pink bookbag that she carries her work supplies in; only to see her eyes once again swell up with a redness that I have seen in 2001; only to see her heart drop as mine did earlier; only to see her take in the final death that verifies that both her parents are deceased?

I wasn't very close with my Lolo, but I have visited the Philippines a few times well enough to know that I care for him. My greatest sympathies go out to him as mourning his death will be something to edure. But what hit me the most, emotionally, was the fact that I would have to watch my mother mourn once again, the passing of her parent.

I HATE seeing my mother cry. I absolutely hate it for a few reasons. First of all, no one wants to see their parents cry. We see them as strong people who always hold ground for the family. This expresses the characteristic of vulnerability that every single human being shares. Secondly, I despise the site because sometimes I am the reason for those tears. If not, I am part of the reasons - no, I am, whole, one separate reason as to why there is so much stress in her life.

I admit to myself and to you, and I have been a very difficult child to have raised. Chores never done, attitude thrown around. I regret it all. Its all been like a cake; problems layers on top of another and another. There is icing inbetween that represents the good times we shared inbetween, but I soon enough would see the shadows of another layer coming from overhead.

In bed, I prayed to god. I prayed for his loss, but moreover I prayed to Him for strength. Just so you know, this isn't some holy faith blog, if you are reading this right now. I prayed to himm, begging to give my mother strength; she needs all the strength she can find to get through this.

I know I might not know you, but can you please just take a second to pray for them both: his loss and for her strength.

I'm not the type to be asking out for your prayers, but for the past half hour that I've been typing this, I'm still finding some strength to actually tell her.

There is no picture for this post.