Damp Blankets And Self-Disappointment

I'm a little disappointed in myself today, not going to lie. Day two of some kind of revival for us and my efforts weren't as solid as planned. This morning I woke up and finally got to ride to his house without my mother bitching. I actually rode there with my sister and the route isn't too bad. When we left, I planned on wearing the oh-so-important helmet half way down the street and then removing it. At my checkpoint, I looked back and she was still standing at the side walk. Damnit. I rode all the way to the end of the block and turned the corner to do so. Finally. We got to his house and waited for him to get dressed and come out. When he did, we made our way to the HS track. We rode around a few times and then my sister left because she had a class at noon. After she left, we kind of grew lethargic. Quickly, too. We laid on the new front part of the stadium, where it was like..cinder blocks high enough to sit on and then cement from the butt up carved at an angle. The picture should make a seat like image in your mind. [Sorry if I'm not exactly being the greatest visualizer tonight.] With not much else to do, we laid there and soaked up the sun. Around 11:30AM, we decided to move on with plans to just lay in the park. I was prepared with blankets. We stopped by the 7-11 and got food and whatnot so our stomachs were happy. I can't help but admit that the whole time, I didn't want to do as much talking as we did. I just wanted to soak up the moments by doing things like kissing or hugging, or napping together. I tried to go in for kisses various time or hint at it, but they only lasted so long. I understand - public is always risky. For that late understanding in today, I am disappointed in myself. I kept wishing for these other things in the moments I had with you - things more passionate when instead, we could have had greater conversations. I didn't really engage myself in the conversations we were having because all I wanted to do was kiss you. It was my mistake, but I'm only glad we didn't end bitterly because we can't afford that. We had to part ways at 1PM and yes, I was sad but I could only frown so much. We parted ways and I continued with this new life initiative. I texted Ana to see if she was home because I know that she's one person I need to get back well into my life after pushing away. I came over to only stop by, but ended up staying until around 7PM It was good for the most part. Deejay and Jae came over and it was really great to be around these people I haven't seen in so long. Jesus, I haven't seen Jae for a while either! We watched Degrassi, order Chinese food, and even discussed a poster on her wall about drunk characters! Today was decent, even with the self-disappointment. Tomorrow, I'm praying, will be amazing. It's 9 months, after all. Photo is of us at the track. I'm extra chinky when it's sunny.

"I'm Honestly Falling In Love With You All Over Again From Square One"

And so we count down.. one more day to deal with and then Dorney Park! :) As weather.com foretells, Friday will be nice. As of today, things were nice too. Well, for the most part. My English class just irritated me, though. Hrm.. today we also had that outdoor BBQ thing for lunch today, which really made me sad! They closed off all other lines to serve cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and rib-BQ's (idk). But really, what if a poor old girl like myself just wanted a simple cheese steak?! I couldn't even have that! :( I settled for the cold cheeseburger. Oh well, haha. Moving on. Today felt good with you. I can quote myself and say that "I'm honestly falling in love with you all over again from square one." You thought it could be taken in a bad way, but it's in the best meaning possible. After all our arguments, I feel like I'm finally starting on a clean slate with my feelings for you - purified like Brita. (lol) You said the look in my eyes was something you hadn't seen in a while which mean much to me. I'm glad the way I feel shows through my eyes, which you can read so well. Boy, you are my favorite reader. :) My father talked to me today, hitting me with another one of his lectures. I actually held back and played it mature, not arguing. I understand his points, but I also kept my defense up. I think we both understand each other. I joked around at the end, saying, "Awww , your little girl is growing up!! :3 " along with a hug. Photo is of 12th period doodle!

It Not Cute It's Not Funny; It's Rude And Mean

It felt good, not having to worry about whose around or hurting anyone's feelings, kissing you today. There was something about that little freedom that made me so happy to be with you. Other than that it was HOT AS BALLS today. I took a shower last night, but walking into school today made me forget that I ever even did. I'm so grate to have the greater percentage of my day spent in Air-conditioned rooms! Maaaan, do I keep fucking up. Photo is of dick drawing while lotioning Jaelynn's leg haha

And The Balloon Goes Pop!

'I could say I don't want to talk about today, but that's unfair. Hrmm..I can recall being so content during the day. I was honestly so excited to finally spend a day with you well-after a good week or so. It upset me at the end of the day, after I couldn't find you for a good while, that you broke the news to me. When I asked where you were, you stated that you were in the front, as if I was supposed to know! Then, on top of those feelings, my day's anticipations were crushed. It's not the first time that has happened, but what can we do? Anyways, I guess I'm at fault for us not going anywhere until an hour later of waiting in the front. I was still in this state of deflation, my anticipation popped with the needle of today's reality. I couldn't decide where to go because I always say we should go to Dunkin Donuts or Wendy's and so I don't know where else. I came to terms with the fact that we can't be like that for the short afternoon we have. I wasn't going to stand around with the group of people out in front; I wanted to be with you. Call me greedy, I don't care. We ended up roaming Walgreen's aimlessly and then settling down at Wendy's for a Oreo Twisted Frosty. We laughed and the situation got better. I was so glad to actually be with you. It took a while to jump back onto my feelings of content, but we somewhat got there. I lost it again slightly when we finally had to leave. I love you for waiting at the bus stop with me. I swear, I would've pushed you onto the bus to take you home with me. Instead, as the 74 bus approached, I ran to you and gave you a hug- to say good bye for the next three days. IS IT MONDAY YET? Photo's silly, video can be judged on your own.

Well-Understood

Ah, my plotting is almost complete..just a day or more left. :) Oh goodness, it is so nice finally being able to let others in on your world and get some outside comfort. It opens a new door in an already amazing friendship that extends into forever. To tell another person, you feel this great relief and finally have the opportunity to breathe. They give you feedback; they give their own opinions; per say, they support your mindset and understand. It's not like I was lying about it.. I just never got the chance to fully explain! :D Today was essentially perfect. Along with this relief, I still snuck in those so-anticipated-for kisses in our moments of privacy. Some will just never understand. :)

We'll Get There, Don't Worry

Sometimes it gets so hard trying to reflect back on your day at 12:43AM I suppose today was good. For the part that I spent my afternoon with you, yes ofcourse it was good :) There was this verry romantic part where I was about to leave and I kind of hesitated to turn around..I kind of still wanted one last good-bye kiss. I wasn't sure so I just turned around to start walking. As soon as I turned around, you yelled out, "Wait!" I turned around to look at you and I saw the same thing in your eyes. I ran back towards you and got that last final kiss before I was on my way. On another note, I have come to terms today with my friends and giving the most sincere apologies that they deserve. I'm still working on this balanced mix between the important aspects of my life, and I honestly believe we can get through this. :)

Happy Birthday, Love!

Oh my goodness its cold! -puts foot on heater- ahhh.. :D

lol well first and foremost, I would like to wish a special, special person oh so dear to me, a happy birthday. Despite the fact that you don't celebrate this, I'm grateful for every day having you around. Today was so stressful..even before I got off the bus this morning I felt like dying. Our concert was yesterday, and it ended at 9PM. By the time I got home, I was completely exhausted and just wanted to sleep. No matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, they gradually fell into place. Doing homework was completely impossible, so I was forced to cram it all during school hours. I cut my hair today. It was somewhat spur of the moment, but at the same time not. I've been acting on impulse lately, and its been working both positively and negatively for me. I'm tired. Headdingg out nowwww! Look, papa is hawt in a headband.

Last Ones In

Tonight was the concert and a great day between you and me. This is the first time we got to be alone for an afternoon and just let the day take us away. Tonight, being with you during the concert was fun I gave you a kiss on the cheek for good luck and you returned one right back. Bleh during intermission, I thought we have about 20 minutes. I lost track of time just relaxing with you in the band room with no one around, and you eventually realized everyone had their instruments.. We were the last ones in the auditorium to sit down. >.> Thats not suspicious at alllll..lol but forreal! we didnt do anything haah. Look, its my "almost best friend" actuing like shes a biker. xD