Everyone aspires to be the individual- to be the person who can stand on their own. I have become an individual, and I have never felt so alone in my life. This isn't a pity post about how lonely I am in my life and how I wish I had my old life back. This is about the human realization that being "an individual" isn't all it's hyped up to be. It's the dream to always have someone by your side, when you're up, down, piss-drunk, high, etc.
Today was annoying mixed with a side of stress, while I honestly thought I was going to get that physical vacation I've been begging for. My mind has checked out so long ago that my body needs to catch up. We went to the beach today. Last night was so hectic figuring out whether we should go to 6 Flags or the beach, and we decided the beach. Then, this morning while I was getting ready, my sister calls me and asks if I still want to go. That is where the irritation began. I was frustrated in fact that the decision was made and here we were last minute, questioning it. Can we please stick to one plan? The day could not go without my mother complaining and whining about what should've, could've, and wasn't done. We forgot to bring coins for tolls and parking. We forgot to bring a blanket. She would not hop off either problem. Aside from that, today was fun. Riding the waves, learning how to tread water, boobs popping out, seeing fatter versions of Taylor Lautner... today was good. It didn't live up to the potential vacation my mind had set, but what ever does right?
When we got back from the shore, I quickly came home to shower and change. I met up with friends at Red Robin's for Deejay's birthday dinner. It was chill, but this is where I felt the difference of being an individual. I felt like I was fending for myself, trying to keep myself out there. It's been a while since I was able to chill with people, feeling 100% comfortable with them and not afraid to open my mouth. Times have changed and here I am. I caused too many awkward moments tonight because I'm kind of out of the loop. I want to be the kind, chill person I know I can be, but I'm afraid that when I say things I'm too comfortable with, I sound like a jerk because these aren't the right people to say it to. As an end result, I don't say anything at all. What's wrong with me? Photo is of a crane machine at Point Pleasant that reminded me of Jacob. He really wanted one, but I didn't do it xD VUVUZELAAAS!
