The Finale? 10 Months Point Pleasant

You wake up in the morning, expecting and hoping for the best. It hurts more to narrow your mind on just that. Therefore, one must be aware of the worst. I did that this morning. Hard feelings were still felt, but an argument was prevented. Sometimes I question if that is really a fair trade-off. Today we made 10 months. I swear, from the 30th of October 2009, and every monthary after that, something goes wrong. It's literally like we're PMSing, but so much more constant than well, my own cycle. I can't say that we completely pulled out of that ditch today, considering how you left tonight so abrupt. I already confessed my feelings for you last night, and they are nonetheless true.

Anyways, we couldn't hang out today. It was honestly a big bummer because today means a lot to you and I. I haven't seen you for two days, but what can we do, right? I have previously declined plans

with Kim to be with you today, but that decision didn't live up to it's every word. In the midst of curling my hair, because I had nothing better to do with my life, she texted me with the offer again. I told her the situation, and I was out of the house by 4PM. Unfortunately, we were stuck in a car for two hours until we reached Point Pleasant Beach. Her family kept irritating her, always talking and nagging. All I could do was really laugh, trying to keep moods light.

To kidnapped my phone and we were on that for a majority of the time. FINALLY on the boardwalk, we were able to walk around on our own and explore. We ended up playing DDR in the arcade on standards that weren't so standard. When first put our money in, she hit "single player" only. Then, when we got another game, she put our multiplayer mode on battle. PLUS, there was a creepy guy who stood behind us, trying to comment on a few things. As much of a fail as that was, it was all the more hilarious and memorable. We indulged on a fudge apple with mini-M&Ms after our dinner. We also got a free ride as the guy who collected tickets at The Himalaya didn't even pay attention as we passed through. He thought we had unlimited ride passes and continued to count his tickets. On the way home, we encountered more dilemmas. Leaving around 9:40PM, I did not get home until about midnight. About 30 min. into the drive back home, we realized that the stroller was left back at the shore. We had to drive back. The entire drive back, Kim texted for me, as I sat there next to her, feeding her things to say. It was well-enough a very worthwhile night.

____________________________________________________________________

Who knew that I would really end up here, saying my good byes to something I thought wouldn't last it's length. Who knew that one year of simply documenting myself would also mean documenting the greatest and worst feelings in my entire life? Here, in words and pictures, I have dedicated a blog to a year where I find true happiness and experienced the greatest struggles of my life thus far. I can read back to day 5 and realize how I've grown as a person. I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow. I think I'm going to start a new, similar project. because I am so used to this, and so proud. Thank you so much for the few readers I've had. It's meant so much to me, that people would actually be willing to read into a life like mine. I hope to see you in my new blog, one way or another! Photos are from the beach of course :)

I've Eaten Way Too Much Today & Ran From A Storm

Everyone aspires to be the individual- to be the person who can stand on their own. I have become an individual, and I have never felt so alone in my life. This isn't a pity post about how lonely I am in my life and how I wish I had my old life back. This is about the human realization that being "an individual" isn't all it's hyped up to be. It's the dream to always have someone by your side, when you're up, down, piss-drunk, high, etc.

Today was annoying mixed with a side of stress, while I honestly thought I was going to get that physical vacation I've been begging for. My mind has checked out so long ago that my body needs to catch up. We went to the beach today. Last night was so hectic figuring out whether we should go to 6 Flags or the beach, and we decided the beach. Then, this morning while I was getting ready, my sister calls me and asks if I still want to go. That is where the irritation began. I was frustrated in fact that the decision was made and here we were last minute, questioning it. Can we please stick to one plan? The day could not go without my mother complaining and whining about what should've, could've, and wasn't done. We forgot to bring coins for tolls and parking. We forgot to bring a blanket. She would not hop off either problem. Aside from that, today was fun. Riding the waves, learning how to tread water, boobs popping out, seeing fatter versions of Taylor Lautner... today was good. It didn't live up to the potential vacation my mind had set, but what ever does right?

When we got back from the shore, I quickly came home to shower and change. I met up with friends at Red Robin's for Deejay's birthday dinner. It was chill, but this is where I felt the difference of being an individual. I felt like I was fending for myself, trying to keep myself out there. It's been a while since I was able to chill with people, feeling 100% comfortable with them and not afraid to open my mouth. Times have changed and here I am. I caused too many awkward moments tonight because I'm kind of out of the loop. I want to be the kind, chill person I know I can be, but I'm afraid that when I say things I'm too comfortable with, I sound like a jerk because these aren't the right people to say it to. As an end result, I don't say anything at all. What's wrong with me? Photo is of a crane machine at Point Pleasant that reminded me of Jacob. He really wanted one, but I didn't do it xD VUVUZELAAAS!

Failure By Design

Tonight brought up a little scare that had me down in the dumps. All day I felt on the fence, nor happy nor sad, but by 9PM, the night was already a tough one. When our relationship is risked, I freak out. Then, I have to play the whole "he said she said" game and find out who knows, when we're trying to keep it on the down-low. I look back on it now and I feel bad for suddenly riding up my friend's ass with blame and a warning. I should have approached the situation more politely, but hey, it's what happened. Today also consisted of trying to make flag designs for our show. I'm willing to do as much as I can to make this show good. It will literally be ours. Photo is of that design. PS. I need to get out more..beach tomorrow yay! :D