The Finale? 10 Months Point Pleasant

You wake up in the morning, expecting and hoping for the best. It hurts more to narrow your mind on just that. Therefore, one must be aware of the worst. I did that this morning. Hard feelings were still felt, but an argument was prevented. Sometimes I question if that is really a fair trade-off. Today we made 10 months. I swear, from the 30th of October 2009, and every monthary after that, something goes wrong. It's literally like we're PMSing, but so much more constant than well, my own cycle. I can't say that we completely pulled out of that ditch today, considering how you left tonight so abrupt. I already confessed my feelings for you last night, and they are nonetheless true.

Anyways, we couldn't hang out today. It was honestly a big bummer because today means a lot to you and I. I haven't seen you for two days, but what can we do, right? I have previously declined plans

with Kim to be with you today, but that decision didn't live up to it's every word. In the midst of curling my hair, because I had nothing better to do with my life, she texted me with the offer again. I told her the situation, and I was out of the house by 4PM. Unfortunately, we were stuck in a car for two hours until we reached Point Pleasant Beach. Her family kept irritating her, always talking and nagging. All I could do was really laugh, trying to keep moods light.

To kidnapped my phone and we were on that for a majority of the time. FINALLY on the boardwalk, we were able to walk around on our own and explore. We ended up playing DDR in the arcade on standards that weren't so standard. When first put our money in, she hit "single player" only. Then, when we got another game, she put our multiplayer mode on battle. PLUS, there was a creepy guy who stood behind us, trying to comment on a few things. As much of a fail as that was, it was all the more hilarious and memorable. We indulged on a fudge apple with mini-M&Ms after our dinner. We also got a free ride as the guy who collected tickets at The Himalaya didn't even pay attention as we passed through. He thought we had unlimited ride passes and continued to count his tickets. On the way home, we encountered more dilemmas. Leaving around 9:40PM, I did not get home until about midnight. About 30 min. into the drive back home, we realized that the stroller was left back at the shore. We had to drive back. The entire drive back, Kim texted for me, as I sat there next to her, feeding her things to say. It was well-enough a very worthwhile night.

____________________________________________________________________

Who knew that I would really end up here, saying my good byes to something I thought wouldn't last it's length. Who knew that one year of simply documenting myself would also mean documenting the greatest and worst feelings in my entire life? Here, in words and pictures, I have dedicated a blog to a year where I find true happiness and experienced the greatest struggles of my life thus far. I can read back to day 5 and realize how I've grown as a person. I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow. I think I'm going to start a new, similar project. because I am so used to this, and so proud. Thank you so much for the few readers I've had. It's meant so much to me, that people would actually be willing to read into a life like mine. I hope to see you in my new blog, one way or another! Photos are from the beach of course :)

Tears, Target & A Phone Call

I told myself I would try to start summer reading and AP Chem work today. Yeah, pretty funny joke there. The most of my efforts went to trying to get a ride to the mall to get a phone case, and still I am empty handed. Last night didn't go well, as far as continuing that three day streak of pure happiness. I screwed up a nice, awaited phone call, being tired and out of it completely. I called him back this morning and it completely made up for last night. Our tired, groggy selves started talking and for almost an hour did I feel happiness. The happiness I should have felt last night. I went to Target tonight, hoping to get a phone cover. What I did get though, was a crying sister, whom was arguing with her boyfriend. She wanted to go to the beach with him tomorrow morning, but his backup car has bad tires. She tried to negotiate with him, propositioning to go half on the two tires at $45 a piece. He really didn't want to spend the money on a car he rarely uses. I tried to cheer her up, cracking jokes here and there, and for the most part it worked. Tomorrow is a big day, and I'm excited :) It's the 30th! Photo is of the childhood dream.

Believing That Gut Feeling Again

I'm not sure how much truth is in the feelings I felt today, and I'm a little embarrassed to post it. I would like to believe that we are finally happy. I know that a streak of three days of nothing but happiness, can't exactly prove me right, but I couldn't help but indulge in our happiness.

This morning went pretty well, as far as rehearsal goes. We started learning work, which meant we are starting to turn the notch up for the rookies. Even with that, everyone was learning work at a decent pace, especially for the first day. I'm pretty confident with where we are right now. We only have 2 new girls. Jaelynn came by with Erik to visit, and it was really nice seeing her in that environment again.. I wish things weren't the way they were, but I can only do so much and keep moving. I just might try again, but I don't want to ride up her butt about rejoining. So maybe just once more. After rehearsal, I hit up the lover because I have been dying to see him. Apparently, the maid was still home and finding reasons to stay longer. While waiting, I made my way to 7-11 where I bought myself a slurpee and two taquitos. Finally, when I was able to go over his hosue when the coast was clear, I have him one taquito and most of the slurpee. [it started to melt!] Minus a scare in the form of a knocking at the door WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE FRANCIS, everything in this day had my mind and heart in the state on being content. Three days of this and I don't know whether or not to believe my gut feeling. Photo is of another flag design I tried to make for our guard this morning. It's crap, I know.

New Phone Texting Like A Monster All Day

Wow, it's crazy to think that I have about one more post before this project ends. "Gah, my hands hurt so much from texting... ON MAH NEW BLACKBERRY THAT FINALLY CAME IN THE MAIL TODAYY. I woke up today, early, hoping he could come over. Unfortunately he couldn't, so I just went back to sleep. I stayed up a bit, but I was too tired myself to wait for the lover who also went back to sleep. I finally got up at 1PM, ready to make myself a good breakfast: chocolate chip-filled pancakes. YUMM! Later, into the afternoon, I awaited my package via Fedex. When it came, I was running down the stairs like a little girl on Christmas morning. The guy who delivered my package didn't look to cheer and when I opened the door something fell from above. Apparently, my mom had put tisse at the top of our screen door because there is a gap were flies are getting in. When I opened it, it all fell down, and even I was shocked and confused. He thought I intentionally threw it at him, but I, nervously laughing, denied it. I thought he was gonna beat me up or something. The events after that were simple: texting, texting, setting up my new phone, setting up BBM, BBMing all day and all night. I only have three friends on BBM right now, but its whatever. Photo is of my new phone :D As much as I hated the craze, I'm in it now.

The Most Prominent Feeling

As updated on Facebook, I had a really good day- and it's true! After not having seen the lover for about 2 weeks, he finally was able to get out of the house and come over. It was so heart-relieving to be next to him, playing COD4. Man, I really suck at that game! Early into the afternoon, we left my house and rode to Wendy's for some food. From there on, and everything else we did that day, we had one of the greatest conversations ever. We didn't speak of anything specific the entire time, but it seemed like no matter what we did talk about, conversation was always fresh, lively, and flowing. It seemed like every laugh we shared was so genuine and in the moment. "In the moment" where as there was no other way to go but enjoy what we were doing and who we were with. I didn't have butterflies in my stomach; it wasn't something like that. I'm already well enough comfortable with this guy that even though butterflies are still around, they aren't the most prominent feeling. The most prominent feeling runs through my entire being, knowing in fact that I'm spending time with the love of my life and no matter what I do with him, I am always happy.

It seems that the past while that I have been down and stressed was undone. I've come to realize that he is my major happiness & I am so grateful for that. Photo is of him and his shirt [which I really like] while we were at Wendy's. PS. I got preached to at Target tonight. -_- It was kind of weird to experience it while trying to shop around, but I'm starting to favor the idea of going by the Bible, word for word.

Happy Birthday Deejay Rock!

I take a little step outside out of my recent negativity and realize that hey, I had a good day. After church, I went to Deejay's house for his birthday. We all just chilled out for the afternoon, watching movies and eating some good BBQ and chips. I was told to bring a bathing suit just in case, but it was raining for a good while. I was mentally set on an afternoon in, just chilling. A small group of us, Jae, Ana, Emily, Shianne, Deejay, and I, talked and chilled out, even playing some pool and air hockey. Politely, I stopped texting the lover, and actually enjoyed the party. I didn't worry too much and just decided to have a good time. I haven't been out much lately, so today was the start of that change. It was nice getting to hang out with Jae again, along with Ana, too. Times like today with these people always have me laughing so hard, I love them! Photo is of Kim's bracelet which I finished tonight! :)

Inception Towards The End Of My Project

A a dream, within a dream, within a dream, within a dream = MINDFUCK.

Ah, it was a good movie. Although we saw the 11:30PM showtime, which didn't really start until midnight, and it ended at 2AM, it was well worth it. So much thinking actually kept me awake. This morning, I showed up for a Tag Day with Anna, Sison, and the Burtons. It was nice, because we were all too lazy and hot to keep asking. I was so unwilling to do it that I sat at my kitchen table until 9AM and then decided to get dressed and leave. Mind you, report time was at 9AM. Afterwards, I got picked up by my brother and we went to Dunkin Donuts with his girlfriend. It was weird at first, but she seemed nice enough. We actually had conversation which never happens. I would typically just avoid it at all costs. Then, I got my hair fixed by Ireesh, which I'm very grateful for. She gave me tips about getting my hair cut at salons and whatnot. I find it much easier to go to someone you know and tell them what you want in opposed to trying to tell a stranger- specifically the old peeps at the mall. Photo is of a soccer field. My brother's friend had a game, so we stopped by before the movies.